Why your second love counts more than the first

All the romantic movies that have been successful recently have revolved around a character falling in love for the first time.

In my head, I can cite 10 films that end in an airport, a man running towards the girl he thought he had lost, both of them rushing on an idyllic journey towards eternal love.

Many books also revolve around the same subject, not to mention the most famous songs that speak of great love, finding the man of his life and so on.

Many people experience ruptures tearing their hearts and souls apart. The media often tell this story, where our first love resurfaces in our life, by chance at the corner of a cafe or after being stuck in the heart of a storm, during which he declares his love for us forever.

It is not impossible, but it is quite unrealistic. Heartbreak is the shortest route to depression, anxiety, and sometimes even real trauma. We spend so much time thinking about the reasons for our pain that we forget who could cure them…

I wish there were more films on those arriving after our first experience. The importance that we give to first love is sometimes annoying, especially when we think that all the credit goes rather to the one who chooses to love us with all our faults and our cracks.

I remember how I felt when I lost my first love. You really feel like you’ve lost something essential. Our family tries to talk to us, but it’s like we’re away.

We try to do simple things, like having dinner or watching an episode of our favorite series. But it’s as if every smell, every reply reminded us of this ghost that lurks. Sometimes the simple fact of not being able to speak to him, of not being able to tell him that the postman gave us the wrong package gives us physical pain.

There are no more jokes and suddenly our bed seems so big and empty without him. Your friends are trying to cheer you up, but this is only temporary relief. You know it will take a long time and you feel like even time is not on your side.

Then it happens.

You meet someone else and for the first time in a long time, you tell yourself that maybe you will be fine. Keep in mind that moving forward and forgetting are two different things.

We move forward in life, but it also means that we put our experiences in a suitcase and that we carry it with us, wherever we go. Have you ever met someone right after a breakup and suddenly fled? It happened to me. They are unable to handle the idea that maybe, maybe it will make them work.

So they give up hope and move on to the next one, hoping it is a little less damaged than you. It doesn’t make them bad people, just people who didn’t suit you anyway.

When people tell you that there is someone out there who will be ready to embrace all parts of you, even the broken parts, it is the truth. Just wait for it.

And this person, capable of reinventing your vision of love is far more worthy of your romantic memories than those who drop you and leave you on the ground. I have many fond memories of my first love. From our first date, what he did for my birthday, from our first Christmas together, etc. I remember everything. When I think about it, however, I no longer have chills. Instead, I also remember that he slept with one of my colleagues and put a rabbit on my back during a soccer match. Try to transpose these two scenes to a film by Nicolas Sparks and I promise you that it will not have great reviews. No one admires the morons of this world unless you don’t really know them.

I get chills when I think back to my second love, when he removed the hair I had on my eyes and told me that “I deserved to be loved”. I remember the promises he made to me and kept and I remember that he never made me feel like I had felt in the past. I think we have lost sight of the power that comes with advancing.

We are terrified of forgetting our first love. But in fact, to evolve, there is no need to forget what we have experienced. I remember everything that helped me become who I am today, but that doesn’t mean I have to be sentimental.

Allow yourself to heal and focus on the future, know how to appreciate what you have in the present. And the next time you ask why your life is not like a movie, remember that we are creating our own fairy tales.

Your Prince Charming doesn’t have to be the one you first felt like you were in a cloud with. Sometimes your real prince is the one who saw you at the bottom and accepted the challenge of bringing you back to life.

So thank you to my second love for showing me that it is possible to rebuild yourself and to become the one you were again.

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