Why does man cheat?


Small development before lynching …

I really want to avoid trials for generalities, prejudices or stereotypes. I would be the first to jump if an article cultivated the male / female divide and the preconceived ideas on “Men, these beasts thirsty for fresh flesh” in the face of “poor little wild deer”. And I will immediately dispel the misunderstandings: YES, Women also deceive, and they also deceive for the same reasons as men. A legend tells that the guys deceive by instinct and the girls by love. This commonplace does no service to anyone. Furthermore, as a woman, you can fully recognize yourself in the patterns that I am about to describe.

Another thing: I’m not here to sue, or complain about anyone. I would endeavor to avoid, as much as possible, letting my opinions appear on the issue. The purpose of this article is not to throw a stone but to allow everyone to better understand a situation (in this case infidelity) to manage it properly. All that to say: not to type. Siouplait.

Infidelity is always perceived as betrayal and for good reason: a couple is based on mutual trust and the implicit standard of a couple is exclusivity. In fact, an unfaithful man no longer places himself as a teammate, but as an enemy. But right away, the pants undone in this hotel room facing this blonde who doesn’t look like you at all, Jean-Mi is not aware of what he is destroying or calling into question. It is only once facing you, in front of your devastating air, your crooked mouth and your barely audible reproaches “howen aaahuuuhaaawawaaaaaaa!…. (Report to sobs) that he will measure the consequences of his actions. Now all infidelities do not have the same reasons and it is necessary, to make good decisions, to understand what happened …

The error, or the heatstroke.

I tell my lover quite regularly that adultery is a mistake that must be made to understand that it is one. And Jean-Mi was a fervent defender of loyalty before meeting the eyes of Célia, her new project attaché. And this meeting upset (among other things) his convictions. Certainly, he loves you more than anything and it has long been anticipated that you are the mother of his children. But there, right away, he is crossed by sensations and emotions that seem new and completely irresistible to him (in reality, they are not that new, he no longer has in mind the way you completely upset his pants the first time he spoke live with your tits). Yes, your relationship means a lot to him and he knows full well that without you he is nothing more than a toilet brush from public toilets. But tonight, his desire for this little hen is so strong that it hurts him. Besides, his brain sought, throughout the evening to blur this cognitive dissonance between his desire, and his principles. And very often, when a man (or a woman) is torn between his brain and his reproductive organs, the negotiation ends with a “boh! She will never know. ” It was the final thought that decided him to follow Celia to her hotel room (Célia is only passing through the corner, which weighed in the balance) his brain sought, throughout the evening to blur this cognitive dissonance between his desire, and his principles. And very often, when a man (or a woman) is torn between his brain and his reproductive organs, the negotiation ends with a “boh! She will never know. ” It was the final thought that decided him to follow Celia to her hotel room (Célia is only passing through the corner, which weighed in the balance) his brain sought, throughout the evening to blur this cognitive dissonance between his desire, and his principles. And very often, when a man (or a woman) is torn between his brain and his reproductive organs, the negotiation ends with a “boh! She will never know. ” It was the final thought that decided him to follow Celia to her hotel room (Célia is only passing through the corner, which weighed in the balance)

And it was not until the next morning, once the blood had resumed its normal influx, facing the sleepy face of the stranger whom he called “baby” in the euphoria that he measured the extent of the damage. He went to bed, lied to you, cheated on a girl he doesn’t care about, and lost the feeling of being a good person. His guilt is proportional to the excitement he felt the day before and he no longer dares to look either Celia or you in the eyes.

What happened? Jean-Mi was subjected to a very strong temptation and thought (wrongly) that not to yield to it would cause infinite regret. So he gave in. It was the first time and his guilt is such that it completely obscures the good memory of this crazy night. His heat stroke is already far away and there remains only your enamored look that he will have to face …

How to react: Communicate. If he feels really fucked up and understands that the capital you had in him has been shaken, he will apologize sincerely and offer you possible solutions to restore a harmonious relationship. You are the only one able to make a decision, but the real question is, “Will you have the strength to overcome your resentment?” “

Butter, buttermilk, and the whole creamer as long as to do.

Jean-Mi loves you. Finally, he loves you as we love his mother. Thanks to you, his linen is impeccable, you massage his back and he has the impression of sleeping every night with a fantastic pair of memory foam pillows (yeah, I’m still talking about your pair of loaches). However, he refused to give up his hunter status. On a daily basis, Jean-Mi needs action, challenge … It was that or judo. He preferred mussel fishing.

His daily life consists of hiding his engagement ring, playing on words to imply that he is single, inventing reasons for coming home late, imagining marital problems (because you have to legitimize his infidelity, d ‘where the very famous “it’s complicated right now …”). Yes, chronic infidelity requires constantly renewed creativity, as well as a wonderful acting. Like this time when he managed to get Sandrine to swallow, the little news from the counted that he was freshly separated and that you had left with the TV in the living room. No luck, all the same, Patrick supplies (married, a child and a half) was on the record too and hastened to restore to the truth. The competition is tough. But it doesn’t matter because of Jean-Mi, he does in volume, and he still has the “balls” evening of Saturday evening… He felt guilty for the first 12 times. The 34 who followed went much better…. Until the last.

What happened? The chronic infidel hardly sees the connection between your relationship and the one he has with other women. He is aware, at least on paper, of the immoral nature of infidelity (which does not come from the act itself but from the lack of honesty) but his brain, to preserve a good image of him, has revised his belief system and his definition of the word “deceive”. Hence its justifications:

-It’s not wrong, as long as your wife doesn’t know it

-It’s not to deceive as long as there are no feelings

-It’s not wrong if it’s just once

– It is not to deceive, it is to compare…

And the list is not exhaustive.

How to react? You remain the main decision-maker. Be aware that many women turn a blind eye to the differences of their spouses because they adhere to the definition of it. You can also decide that Jean-Mi takes you for a ham and that it is out of the question to share his boyfriend with half of the women in his box. But there is no point in hoping to change it. Even if he loves you and you are gaunt like Charlize Theron. Even if he is afraid of losing you. He will be diverted again sooner or later. It’s up to you to see if this idea is compatible with your vision of the couple…. Or not.

Transition deception:

Jean-Mi and you have been in a relationship for four years already. And you know yourself on the tip of the cuticles, but a little glance in the retro is enough to understand: you take yourself so much for granted that you no longer consider it useful, either one, to deploy your forces alive to keep your relationship alive. You don’t make yourself laugh anymore, you haven’t been to a restaurant since 2013 and your last satisfactory doggy style dates from your last restaurant. Your couple is more than on the lease of your apartment and a vague affection…. And a little also on the fear of the loneliness of Jean-Mi who is afraid of letting go of the prey for the shade….

It was without counting on Bertrand, Jean-Mi’s best friend who introduced him to Chloé. The effect is instantaneous: It feels vibrant, alive again. He goes back to sport, coordinates panties and socks, maintains his beard, and smiles all the time … Except in your company.

At home, the arguments multiply, and Jean-Mi blames you for everything and its opposite. And for the first time this sentence appears “Since it’s like that, we have nothing more to do together!” ” And it comes back more and more often … Until the day you discover the pot-aux-roses. And the two months of a clandestine relationship between your future-ex and her future new girl.

What happened? Jean-Mi fell in love. And the multiplication of fights is used to free him and to fabricate otherwise valid reasons for separating. He no longer invests in your relationship because he prefers to invest his energy and his time elsewhere…

How to react? Go. We are far from the post-pubescent impulse that causes head loss. We are in a double relationship. And if yours satisfied him, he wouldn’t have set up a second romance. Many of you will be tempted to “fight” and try to erase your rival. But it is not about ego but about respecting yourself. Even if you love Jean-Mi madly. It is necessary to love yourself, even stronger. You have to save your butt. Take a suitcase, put your memories, some clean panties, your dignity, and go. It is certainly painful but in a few months, you will thank yourself…