There is a good chance that you will meet someone who is reliable, loyal, mature, willing to make an effort for your relationship – but it is unlikely that you will meet someone who is completely in place. You will not be completely in place either. You will also fumble, even if you have had thousands of relationships before. You will learn by two. You will evolve with two.
When you love someone, you face the future together, step by step. One does not wake up one morning, at 25, 30 or 40 years of knowing suddenly how to be an adult. It is a process of continuous and endless learning.
When you love someone, you discover how to face the world together. We discover how to share tasks in a way that makes us each happy (or at least that does not make us feel overwhelmed and unhappy). We are discovering how to manage our finances. We discover where to shop and how long they will last for two. We discover that certain adult things have a direct impact on our relationship.
When you love someone, you discover how to live together. We discover how to support each other. We discover how to talk to each other. We discover how to deal with problems, big or small, or whatever (like the task of taking out the trash).
When you love someone, you rely on them in times of crisis. In a decisive period, we rely on the opinion of the other. One involves the other when making an important decision. If there is a problem, we accept it and work together.
We cannot know what the future holds. If one of you loses your job, we find a solution. If one of you gets sick, we find a solution. If one of you makes a mistake, we find a solution.
Of course, there are also things that can be expected. We can discuss his desire to have ten children or ten dogs, his desire to live in town or in the countryside, his desire to get married or live without an alliance. If you are absolutely not on the same page and there is no room for negotiation, you may need to take separate paths. You shouldn’t hang on to a doomed relationship.
But if you want the same things and if you are serious in your desire for a lasting relationship, you will overcome the obstacles that will pave your future as a team. You will decorate your apartment as a team. You will plan your vacation as a team. You will be looking for a home as a team. But above all, you will discover what is being a team. Maybe it means sharing all the tasks equally or taking care of others on your own.
When we love someone, we make mistakes for two. We move back in pairs. We heal together. We grope in the world of two, because no matter how long your relationship, there will always be new things to learn.