I know how tempting it is to say that everything is our fault. To think that if you are still single, it is only because of you. To believe that if all your attempts to find the perfect man end in failure, it is because something is wrong with you.
In short, we quickly threw ourselves at the stone and let the others put us down. But the truth is that you have nothing to do with it …
But during a recent interview with my psychiatrist, I had a revelation … I told him that after so many missed appointments, it was difficult not to say that something is wrong at home.
He looked me straight in the eye and simply told me that no, I was wrong, nothing was wrong with me. It’s silly, but hearing it from someone else’s mouth allowed me to become fully aware.
And I think a thousand other people could have told me the same thing, it would have had no echo in me. But the confidence with which he spoke these words really resonated with me.
And strangely, I believed it. I understood that we all need to hear these salutary words from time to time.
We need to hear ourselves say that we are perfect in our imperfections and that nothing is wrong with us.
Of course, that doesn’t mean that we are perfect. This does not mean that some of the things that we hold on to are not trivial and that it would not be beneficial to review our requirements a little lower.
I think that introspection is essential and that we have to look back on ourselves. They need to probe our emotions and understand why we find ourselves constantly stuck in the same types of situations.
But it is equally important to realize that we are not responsible for everything. Building a lasting and deep relationship involves the interaction of so many factors: timing, emotional, intellectual and spiritual compatibility, emotional maturity, etc.
We need to find ourselves on all these points so that a relationship can emerge and last. And unfortunately, it is rare and it is not worse.
Let’s say it’s just a set of steps that we have to go through before meeting the one who really suits us.
Some achieve this very early, for others it will take years for the right combination to arrive! But remember, it is not the most important. The most important thing is to take your time and take small steps.
I believe that the most important thing is to accept and understand what our desires are, then to put a stop as soon as we find ourselves with someone whose vision of the world and of the couple does not fit with ours.
It is up to you to fight for your values and your dreams. If you are looking for a serious and lasting relationship, you should no longer be satisfied with the minimum or with partners who are only looking for an adventure.
If you start to invest your time and effort and the relationship is not progressing, end it and move on. Find someone who truly matches you and is looking for the same things as you.
It doesn’t make sense to wait for someone to be ready for you. You deserve to be loved, now and as you are and you also deserve to be in a relationship with someone who brings you security and self-confidence.
Please don’t settle for more than what you deserve. It’s not worth it and it will only bring you pain in the long run.
But I do not throw the stone at you, I understand when all our friends get married and have children, we quickly feel isolated and we, therefore, tend to settle in mediocre relationships that do not suit us.
Relationships that are not real, because they lack intimacy and closeness (among other things). Relationships that will certainly soothe your feeling of loneliness for a time, but will only amplify it over time.
Above all, this type of relationship will make you suffer. You will end up trapped by this feeling of not being enough and not being worthy of being loved. And believe me, it’s an extremely painful and harmful feeling.
And if you notice that it is in this type of relationship that you find yourself constantly, ask yourself why. Ask yourself when you have to choose yourself, set limits and decide what you accept and what you won’t accept from a relationship.
Because maybe, I mean maybe, if you can’t find the type of relationship you want, it’s because you’re not fighting for it.
Besides, a friend of mine recently told me that during a first date, the woman he met had told him black and white that she was looking for a husband and nothing less ! And to his surprise, his frankness did not put him off at all, quite the contrary…
He admired his determination and his direct approach. And this story made me realize that authenticity was a sublime quality and that I myself appreciated very much in others.
Why pretend to be satisfied with something that, basically, does not satisfy us at all?
Why try to change someone whose personality absolutely does not match ours? That does not make any sense.
If an almost relationship is right for you, that’s fine. There is no problem with that. But don’t settle for crumbs, if you want it all!
Because believe me, there is someone who will be more than happy to offer you this all and to offer you that love that you are looking for. Because there is someone looking for the same thing as you, that’s for sure!
But first, you have to make the choice to no longer settle for something that doesn’t suit you. And you must learn to love yourself, learn what you are as worthy as anyone with sincere and deep love.
Of course, accepting this is the result of a process. It may take a little while before you get there. But you have to go through this acceptance process at all costs.
I have a little advice to accompany you on this path. Find a mantra that sums up your requirements and desires and repeat it every day until it turns into deep belief.
And once this mantra becomes an absolute truth, you will find it easier to stick to your desires and values. You will have less trouble saying, “No, it doesn’t suit me”; to say: “no, your expectations are not mine”.
And you will start to meet partners who are more likely to suit you. At least, you will sort much more easily.
Couple relationships are a highly complex area, particularly in the current era where the refusal of commitment, the multiplication of choices and dating applications can give us the impression that it is impossible to build a true relationship.
But courteous love is not dead! True love is not dead! It is simply a question of making room for it in our life by beginning to accept and love each other. It’s about feeling worthy of being loved and sticking to the limits you’ve set for yourself.
Above all, don’t let your fears endanger the great opportunities that may arise. And don’t let yourself be taken by boat by people with bad intentions or who would only like a part-time love affair (if that’s not what you want)!
If your partner is not able to compromise, this is not the right moment and the time has come to move on.