These violent and manipulative men: how to recognize them?

It is estimated that in Quebec, nearly one woman in four has already been a victim of violence by her spouse at least once. This violence can take different forms, some of which are most insidious, and sometimes has dramatic consequences, including the death of the victim.

For a woman in love, getting out of the cycle of violence can be extremely difficult. It is difficult to predict violence and even when the situation escalates, some women are unable to recognize the destructive nature of their relationship. Abusive partners are often manipulative men who manage to maintain control over their “prey”, against all odds.

Some people mistakenly believe that spousal violence almost exclusively affects women from disadvantaged backgrounds or more macho cultures. However, no woman is safe from spousal abuse, and that’s why everyone should learn to recognize the warning signs of spousal abuse.
What should we be wary of?

Although each individual is different, abusive and manipulative men often have some typical characteristics. Some of these traits may be found, to a lesser degree, in completely peaceful men. Some violent men, on the other hand, will not necessarily fit the picture painted here. In any case, it is best to be on the lookout if you are dating a man who appears to exhibit one or more of the following behaviors.

He is extremely controlling: he always wants to have the last word and make all the decisions, even those that concern you directly. He often gets carried away when things are not done his way.

He is very jealous: he acts as if he wants to have you all to himself, or even as if you belong to him. He then justifies his attitude by invoking his love for you.

He doesn’t like you dating your male friends: he’s even reluctant to date your girlfriends and family. He tries to isolate you by keeping you away from people who love you.

He has difficulty admitting his wrongs: he tends to blame others for his faults and to blame you for his outbursts of anger.
Verbal abuse

He tends to disparage you: he humiliates you and minimizes your good deeds. He suggests that you are lucky to have a man who loves you so much, despite all your weaknesses. He uses verbal abuse and often blames you unjustifiably.

He frequently uses threats: he may also use blackmail to achieve his ends, especially if you seem reluctant to continue the relationship.

You should also be aware that men who have themselves been victims or witnesses of family violence as children are more likely to be violent with their families. Alcohol or drug use can also be a trigger.
The Cycle of Violence: A Vicious Cycle

Domestic violence rarely happens without warning. Rarely does it occur at the beginning of a relationship? If it did, it would be much easier for victims to run away! It’s hard to imagine a woman entering into a relationship with a man who molested her on the first date…

As a general rule, the climate of violence gradually sets in within the couple and, even when the damage is done, episodes of violence are often followed by idyllic episodes and periods of relative peace. This is what makes conjugal violence particularly perverse and women who are victims of it often don’t know where they stand.
Promising beginnings

In the early stages of a relationship, men who are predisposed to violence are generally gentle as lambs. They are often passionate men, inclined to shower their lovers with gifts and stun them with great romantic gestures. Eventually, however, the honeymoon ends and the first worrisome behaviors gradually appear. This is when the cycle of violence begins.
The Rising Tension

At first, these are unimportant, often passing reproaches. He doesn’t like this or that dress his wife is wearing, this or that dish she cooks. Eventually, the reproaches become more and more frequent, more and more virulent. At the same time, the spouse does everything possible to isolate the woman. He declares that he does not like his friends and family, refuses to spend time with them and, if she expresses the desire to see them, he will use emotional blackmail to try to stop her.

After a while, these behaviors become more and more prevalent and the woman