Finding the right words is sometimes enough to convince the other that you are the chosen one, the one with whom he can project himself in the long term. But what are these magic words?
You love him and sincerely think he may be the right one, but you’re not sure if he wants to get involved. No need to “force” things. By doing so, you would behave like his mother and he would identify you as such. However, we rarely want to be in a relationship with his mom, explains James Allen Hanrahan, coach, and expert in romantic relationships in Los Angeles at Yourtango.
Also, even if deep down, you would like to shout out to him the (many) reasons why you are two soul mates, as soon as he gives you an excuse supposed to justify why your story cannot last, answer him: “I understand “advises the expert. And add nothing else. If he continues to decline other reasons, perhaps hoping that you will throw your predictable arguments at him (the very ones that go against his own and that would make him think of his mother), persevere by limiting yourself to “I understand”.
Far from seeing sarcasm, he will simply hear the following message: “She understands me”. Obviously, you do not necessarily share all his feelings and he is well aware of them. But he will also find that you accept his point of view and therefore prove that you respect his opinion.
“I love you, but no more than I care about myself”
This does not mean that he will ask you to marry immediately, ponders the coach, but no doubt he will suddenly be less categorical as to the end of your romance. And if he proposes a lukewarm solution (we stay together, but without really committing), the coach advises to prune your speech and to say to him: “I appreciate that you want to continue seeing me, but I don’t feel uncomfortable with that. I love you but no more than I care about myself. ”
By cutting short the only small opening he gave you, you may think that all your hopes are now vain. Not so sure. Even more likely to fall in love with you as soon as you are no longer in his presence. And let him call you back to tell you how much he would like to get involved with you, for good. If necessary, you will have saved time, this man did not deserve you.