Couple relationships are difficult. Marriage is a tough business. And it is certainly not for everyone. But if you have a penchant for sickness or health, wealth or poverty – and even if you have not yet met this person with whom you envisage a long-term relationship – have a short memory and arm have a real sense of humor. You’re going to need it.
1. Forget the plans on the comet.
Get rid of any fantasies you may have had about the delights of married life. They will not help you. There is no scenario to follow, so don’t be disappointed when your fairy tales go up in smoke.
Didn’t Jesus tell us something about forgiving not 7 times, but 7 x 7 times? Which makes a total of 490 times … Which should be enough for your first 6 months. Jesus probably underestimated the number because remember, he was not married.
3. And forget.
If you forgive without forgetting, do you really forgive? I know some who loudly claim to have forgiven but continue to take advantage of every opportunity to put the subject back on the carpet. And if you don’t want to forgive, forgetting will do just fine.
4. Be a teammate of choice.
Life can be difficult. One of the nice things about marriage and relationships is that it is possible to be two in this bunker in which you took refuge.
5. Grow up.
If at 50 you have the same desires, opinions, and beliefs as at 25, it is your fault! You will not and should not be the same person as you were then.
6. And adapt.
Even if you stagnate, the person you are in a relationship with will change. Don’t fight this change. Embrace it, learn from it and be thankful for it.
7. Have faith.
Believing in something or someone beyond our simple human condition is of great comfort. Explore this belief. Take this journey together.
8. Travel together.
Travel forces a couple to rely on each other in many unexpected ways. It will also allow you to broaden your vision of the world as well as the way you perceive your relationship.
9. Travel separately.
I want to go to Australia and you to Maine. Great! Take a bunch of pictures. See you in a week.
10. Develop your own interests.
While this sounds counterintuitive, developing your own interests allows you to improve your relationship.
11. Cultivate a vast and diverse social life.
Meeting new people is one of the great joys of life. And most of the people you meet will likely allow you to appreciate your spouse more.
12. Do not count the points.
I know couples who keep track of the number of times each cleaning. Don’t do this! It’s exhausting. It’s childish.
13. Play sports.
You owe it to each other to be in the best shape possible. What’s more, the psychological benefits of exercise are not negligible!
14. Deepen your knowledge of yourself.
Look at yourself regularly in the mirror. Think about who you are and what you can bring to your relationship. Are you in judgment? Unfair? Tough? Excessively critical? On the defensive?
15. Admit your wrongs (sometimes even when you are not at fault).
It is both the easiest and the most difficult resolution to keep on this list. But this simple gesture will bring you immense benefits; it will help you grow and it is definitely the right thing to do.
16. Celebrate successes, big and small.
Whether it was the promotion received at work or that police officer who let you go with a simple warning, take advantage of every opportunity to toast your good fortune.
17. Surprise each other.
Fill up on his car. Leave him the bed for him alone from time to time. Buy him bacon.
18. These are all these nice little things.
Hold the door, offer movie night, give it attention. The reward will be even greater.
19. And all those nasty little things.
Crack your fingers, spit, clear your throat, clean your nose, etc. Here are a thousand love killers.
20. Cultivate your most precious qualities.
When do you have the opportunity to really work on these qualities that make you a better person? In a strong relationship, you can do it every day. Qualities such as patience, loyalty, compassion, trust.
21. A bathroom is a private place.
If you find some charm in brushing your teeth while using the toilet, you will eventually change your mind. Trust me.
22. Talk about sexuality (not just before, during or just after).
Physical intercourse is an important part of any relationship. But for some reason, couples don’t want to discuss it except in the heat of the moment. Don’t make physical intercourse a taboo.
23. Encourage each other.
We all have concerns. Your relationship should be that place where you are free to talk about it and your husband/wife should help you overcome it.
24. There is nothing wrong with having secrets.
Even George Bailey passes Violet Bick an invoice from time to time.
25. Avoid innuendo.
It is a relatively loose way of communicating. If you have something to say, say it. Avoid subliminal messages.
26. Drop them.
The toilet seat. His cell phone. The things that hurt.
27. Pick them up.
Your dirty socks. Your used handkerchief. Keep the peace.
28. Do not idealize your past (or future) relationships.
You weren’t that great and your ex wasn’t that sexy.
29. Never use the word “I”.
Don’t call yourself an “idiot”. It just doesn’t make sense.
30. Offer solutions, not blame.
Anyone can be critical and blame. A good teammate (see Rule # 4) will offer you a way out instead.
To escape or broaden your horizons. In any case, it helps.
32. You are equal.
It doesn’t matter which of you earns the most money. It doesn’t matter which of you two has the best collection of rock vinyl records. It doesn’t matter which of you two has the cutest nickname. And it doesn’t matter which of you two has the coolest food allergy!
33. Compliment each other.
Regularly and with sincerity.
34. Respect your mutual friends.
You know, Cathy, this friend of your wife, mad and who has a big mouth; who thinks you’re a jerk and doesn’t understand that you married his best friend? See below.
35. Learn to shut up at the right time.
No list could be complete without the famous lesson of “do these jeans make me fat? ”
36. Be indulgent towards the passions of the other.
Scrapbooking does not count.
37. Get rid of your arbitrary moral codes.
This list alone proves that I am the king of “double standards.” When I want to spend money on new golf clubs, it’s a good investment. When my wife wants to spend money on a new kitchen worktop, it’s wasted. And it is not entirely fair.
38. Respect space and time.
Are we not from a sufficiently advanced species, have we not looked enough at Dr. Phil to understand that our partner does not wish to answer the question “how was your day?” »Hardly crossed the threshold of the house?
39. Be proud of your appearance.
Your marriage contract does not give you the right to always go for a jog and a T-shirt.
40. Take care of your hygiene.
Can your big toe puncture a snow tire? Can your breath be used to peel off wallpaper? Please pay attention to this. I don’t want to have to tell you again.
41. Ask before throwing out.
Do not touch this broken vase, this cactus-shaped support for tequila shots. I’m serious.
42. Invite his family to special meetings.
At least one time. And hopefully, you won’t have to do more.
43. Speaking of the family, know that everyone must receive their holiday postcard or birth announcement.
Even Uncle Steeve who is a little weird and cousin Lisa slightly neurotic.
44. Don’t be mean.
I forgot to stop at the pharmacy to bring you your medicine. Did you really need to throw away my cactus-shaped tequila shot holder?
45. Be independent.
Learn how to do your own laundry. Learn how to cook a meal, find your way in the supermarket, make an online purchase, turn off the tap, put down a basketball hoop, unclog the toilet.
46. Any occasion is a good joke.
This should be your leitmotif. No matter how much I think about it, absolutely everything in life can make you laugh. If you realize this from the start, things will be much more fun.
47. Be well brought up.
Don’t yell. Hold the door. Help carry the shopping. Put your hand over your mouth when you cough. Hold your gas.
48. Manage money responsibly.
Nobody lives on love and freshwater. You need money. If you win it by yourself, you will respect this rule easily. If not, you have to respect it even more.
49. Remember to say thank you.
Even and especially when the things for which you have to say thank you do not correspond to what you expected at the start.
50. Do not be resigned.
There will be times when you will want to quit, go away, give up. You can make this choice. But you will probably do it without really thinking about the new life that will await you afterward. Will you be better in 6 months? In 10 years?