Your relationship is falling apart, and it’s time to end it. Breakup is inevitable. But separation is still a difficult decision because it stirs up many different emotions. Where do you start?
Why break up?
Even if your relationship has been going on for years, it’s no reason to get stuck in a relationship that makes you unhappy. If staying with your partner makes you unhappy, it’s time to think about making the world a better place.
The causes of separation can be many and vary according to each person’s values. An unfaithful partner, poor communication, lack of common interests, domestic violence, fear of commitment, lack of pleasure and complicity, personal problems, a new lover, etc. can be valid reasons to think about separation.
When should it happen?
You will agree with me, there is no better time to break up with the partner. “Not now, it’s almost Valentine’s Day,” or “His job hasn’t been going well lately, I’ll wait. “If we listened to each other, we’d never do it. So we have to get out there and stop trying to minimize the damage. At some point we’re gonna have to do it.
However, I strongly advise you not to tell him during an argument. Your partner may not believe it and hope that what you say is more than you think. Wait until the dust settles and sit down quietly with him to discuss it.
How do you do that?
There is no ideal way to break up, but a few basic things are essential. First, avoid the “we need to talk” if you’re only going to tell him or her in a few hours. The partner will suspect that something is wrong, but there are limits to making him or her suffer in advance.
Second, be prepared. You’ve thought long and hard about it, so be sure you’re prepared. Explain why you thought it was the best solution and show confidence. The announcement might look like this:
“As you know, our relationship hasn’t been going very well lately. Even though I think we have a lot in common, it’s time we went our separate ways.” Your partner will get the message without having to take the “I don’t love you anymore” in his face.
Finally, if the partner is not as ready as you are for the breakup, he or she may be playing with guilt. He or she will then talk to you about all the beautiful moments you have had together, about the trips he or she was planning to take with you, or about his or her sudden motivation to change.
If you remain firm, he will understand that your decision is final. Know that it is not necessary to say everything. If you leave him for someone else, drop this information unless he asks you to. Also, don’t blame them for everything, because everyone has a responsibility.
Breaking up is never easy, even for the person making the decision. In the best of all worlds, it is when this separation is established by mutual agreement that there is less damage. But still, there is grief and a sense of failure. Time and meetings with a sex therapist become precious allies…