When you experience a painful separation, you feel like you will never get over it. And finally, a few weeks or months later, we are doing very well. According to an expert, there seems to be a way to heal better and faster.
If to recover from a breakup, you have to go through several phases before feeling good again, according to Lisa Cypers Kamen, life coach, happiness expert and author of the book “Are We Happy Yet?”. Four steps should be scrupulously applied to lead us to complete and rapid healing, as she confides in the Mydomaine site .
Whatever the duration of the relationship, a breakup is often very difficult to bear, making us particularly vulnerable. What if grief presented itself as our greatest savior? Using our pain and fragility rather than yet another spoonful of Nutella would help heal better and faster.
Step 1: Allow yourself to cry
Just as complaining can help us get back on our feet faster , so crying would also be beneficial. A good thing, moreover, since it is often very difficult not to shed a good big barrel of tears in all cases. “Crying is cathartic”, explains Cypers Kamen who considers that it is normal and even healthy in the first moments after a break-up, to evacuate all our negative emotions which will prevent them from resurfacing in our future relationships.
Step 2: Accept the situation
“Admit what’s going on,” advises the coach. Denial will only prolong the suffering, dragging us into a destructive spiral. So rather than saying to yourself: “He will come back when he realizes what he has lost” or “we will inevitably cross paths with each other and rewrite ourselves”, tell yourself that if this break has occurred, it is good for a right. To help you, try not to remember that the best moments in your history. Because if it ended, it’s good that everything was not that rosy.
Step 3: Accept the change
For this happiness specialist, the important thing is also to be open to change. Indeed, staying entangled in the past is counterproductive to happiness. Novelty, on the contrary, will help us to feel alive and happy again in our celibacy. It can be planning a trip, a new haircut, testing a new activity, increasing the number of outings … In short, look to the future rather than staying anchored in the past .
Step 4: Admit your vulnerability
Even if you feel that you are going up the slope, there will be, sometimes, bad days and you must allow yourself to crack in these moments without relapsing completely or falling into self-pity. Tell yourself that it is temporary, that there will be better days and that it is part of the healing process, as coach Lisa Cypers Kamen suggests.
Once you have gone through these steps, the hard part will be behind you and you could even begin to enjoy your single life. And take advantage of it because, who knows, you may find love again very soon !