We all, one day or the other, knew a friend who jumped from relationship to relationship. I am thinking in particular of an old friend whom I will call D. She fell in love all the time, a real artichoke heart! Each time she told me her new love story she said to me: “No but there, it’s really different, it’s really crazy love”. Until next time. Was it love, attachment? And besides what are the differences between love and attachment?
Differences between love and attachment: Fear of loneliness?
What if the difference between love and attachment was the fear of loneliness? What if many of us confuse love and attachment? Perhaps we could even say that everyone can love in their own way. Even if it is said that true love induces the fact of expecting nothing from the other, of not seeking to fill a lack whatever it is… Many however work thus.
A lot of people, far more than you can imagine, are ready to couple with the first (e) come (e) as long as he (she) allows them to be no longer alone ( e). These people then think hard that they have found the love of their life but quickly become disillusioned. Because if they weren’t lying to themselves, they would know they weren’t dating for the right reasons.
What are the real differences between love and attachment?
Only the person concerned can say whether or not they are truly in love. But sometimes, if not often, our heart is not sending us the right signals. It can make us sly believe that we have fallen in love while we are just filling a void. A big void. And it is so good that it is finally fulfilled that one has the feeling of feeling love. While not!
1 / Love is close to hate. Attachment is less strong
“That love was nice but that it still tells it
Then he told me that he was going to leave, he had meetings by the hundred
That tonight he was going to have dinner at his half-sister: hate ”(Grand Corps Malade)
Love and hate are very close, I don’t tell you that today. When you love someone very strong and break up, you often go from sadness to deep hatred. And this is completely normal! A strong and powerful love, when it stops, generates another strong and powerful feeling which is negative.
Whereas when you are simply attached to a person, you will not experience this feeling of hatred towards them. Or it will be very short-lived. If this feeling of hatred takes place, it is rather that your ego has taken a hit. The difference between love and attachment is that when you are attached to someone, you will rather experience emotions such as anxiety or nervousness. Much less negative emotions. Simply because your feelings for each other are not as strong as love.
2 / Love is wanting to make the other happy, attachment is wanting to be happy through the other
Love, the true, happens without waiting. Kundera in the unbearable lightness of being says: ” If we are unable to love, it may be because we want to be loved, that is to say that we want something from the other (love), instead of coming to him without claims and wanting only his mere presence. ”
When one is truly in love, one should not expect something from the other. When we love, what we want above all is the happiness of our partner. Some people only discover the true power of love when they become parents. Because that’s what loving is: putting the needs of the other before ours.
Whereas when you are attached to someone, it means that you need someone. People affective dependent rarely love all the time attached to the other. Like a mussel to its rock.
3 / Love is liberating, attachment is possessive
When we are truly in love and in a healthy relationship, we don’t need to see each other every day to feel safe. Personally, with my spouse, each year we go on vacation for one or two weeks with our respective friends. Likewise, often on Friday evening we go out to party each on our own. And we never have the feeling of a lack of confidence because it is precisely on the latter that our relationship is based.
I was talking to you earlier about emotional dependence on attachment, well that’s exactly it. You feel a constant need to be in the presence of the other, otherwise, you feel insecure. As soon as you are not together, you become paranoid, you wonder what he (she) is doing, where, with whom … In short, you do not trust your partner. Or in yourself. And how can you really love if you don’t love yourself a little?
4 / Love makes you better, attachment makes you toxic
When we love and we are loved, we are pulled up. Our partner makes us better and we make it better too. Love allows us to face everything, to climb any mountain, to go through any storm, any obstacle.
When you are attached to someone you are in a kind of power struggle. Who loves who more? Who wears the pants?
5 / Attachment is a pale copy of love
If you really love someone then this will be the case for life. Even if your relationship does not work, you will be linked by an invisible red thread.
The attachment does not last over time. Indeed, if you are simply attached to a person, you will always have greater expectations. You will always feel frustrated. As if you were stuck in the opposition phase of the couple.
6 / Love is a difficult thing; attachment is only difficult when you are far from each other
True love is never an easy thing. You might think it is because it is such a pure and beautiful feeling, but everything that is intense and life-changing really requires a lot of work. You must take care of your love every day, continue to nourish it.
“With attachment, it’s much simpler since there is nothing to feed. You just have to be together, and that’s all you have to do. You measure the intensity of your relationship by the number of times you manage to see each other per week …
You need the other person, just like you would need a drug. But it doesn’t grow, it doesn’t turn into something potentially better. As with any drug, the climb is never sustainable, and we always end up going down… ”