For a romantic relationship to be lasting and fulfilling, three essential ingredients would suffice.
If certain relationships work and others doomed to failure, it is not just the result of chance. In order for a couple to be happy , they would need certain ingredients that are unthinkable for their development.
1- Physical alchemy
Peter Pearson, couples therapist and co-founder of the Couples Institute in Menlo Park, California, told The Independent that alchemy was the first key to long-term loving couples. “Physical chemistry isn’t everything,” he says, “But if it’s not there, it’ll make things more complicated. Likewise, if chemistry is more present for one of the two it’s going to be difficult for the couple to overcome. It’s hard to develop a passion if it’s weak at first. ”
2- Social alchemy
But it’s not just physical chemistry, says the therapist. The social aspect plays a primordial role in the relation to the other. That is to say the way we feel when we are in his company. And, it is in the work of psychologist Eric Berne that we will find the answer to the question. This author to whom we owe the popular bestsellers ” The Games People Play” put in place a theory according to which any person would, as Sigmund Freud declares, “three states of the ego”.
The “parent-me” helping you know “what you have learned”
The “me-child” asking you about “what you felt”
The “me-adult” making you think about “what you have learned”
Thus, according to Eric Berne, when two people are really compatible , they obtain favorable answers to these three questions of the “me” . Pearson goes further by proposing questions allowing us to better understand our love compatibility:
The “parent-self” questions us about our respective values and beliefs. Are they similar?
The “me-child” questions us about our feelings. Questions to ask yourself: “Do we have fun together? Are we spontaneous? Do we like spending time together?”
The “me-adult” helps us to project ourselves: “Do we find the other brilliant? Are we ready to solve the problems together?”
Obviously, bringing the three “me” together is a bit of a winning formula for the “we” . Where appropriate, Pearson states that couples succeed in balancing this formula in pairs. Thus, one person can identify himself as playful and adventurous, while the other will play the role of the down-to-earth partner. At least, until one of the two partners is tired of playing “the responsible person”. So, to continue, the couple will have to use their last secret boot known and accessible to all since it is simply a matter of making efforts and compromises by accepting the other with their differences.
3- Alchemy in love
Finally, perhaps stronger than all the theories of the earth, the index of love compatibility is at the bottom of your heart. And a simple test is enough to discover the result: “If you live together, your partner is away for a few days and you see his favorite scarf, a pair of shoes, or another item of clothing he likes, how you feel you? “asks the couples therapist. “Do you feel pissed off that you had to pick up your bazaar or did that bring up happy memories?” . The answer to this question should help you understand the importance you place on your romantic relationship .