“Out of sight out of mind” ? Here are 11 tips to finally make this awful proverb lie and make your long distance relationship work.
When you announced that yes, you were going to have a relationship with Roberto, met this summer in Mallorca , your friends uttered exasperated cries and your mother sighed wearily. We looked at you with pity, as if you had just confessed that you still believe in Santa Claus. And we kindly but firmly remind you that this is the worst mistake you could make and that a relationship where you have more repeated physical contact with your smartphone keyboard than with the man you love is mathematically impossible to maintain . However, distance is not an obstacle, but a detonator : it accentuates the problems that could have remained discreetly hidden in the shade for years and makes them explode.A long distance relationship is no more doomed than another : it is just more difficult to manage , and here are 11 tips to help you do that.
1- Communicate …
Communicating well is essential: you thus create a constant bond which contributes to reducing the distance between you. Knowing how the other person’s day went, talking to them about their little joys and their daily worries helps to erase the feeling of distance. Whether by phone , SMS or Skype, it helps you put your companion at the heart of your daily life even if it is far away.
2- … But never in excess
Being present despite the distance is good. But it should not be the door open to all excesses. Send him ten texts per minute 24 hours a day to tell him that you miss him, that you eat a Snickers, that you miss him, that you love him so much that you wouldn’t even eat him if he were a Snickers, ah yes, and that you miss it like the moon misses in the sun or another stupidity of this kind which strangely love couples, may have the opposite effect than that desired. It is exhausting and suffocating. You are more likely to cause fatigue or a feeling of permanent oppression by constantly spamming your partner. Communicate, yes, but as by applying the same policy as on your Milka hazelnut tablets: you will not escape indigestion if you abuse it … So know what is going on in his daily life, yes. Do detailed minutes of your day minute by minute, no.
3- Establish rules to avoid unpleasant surprises
We do not all have the same notion of the couple nor the same expectations arising from it. More than in any relationship, it is essential to set limits and clearly state what you expect from the other when you live far from your partner. It is the prerequisite that will allow you to live your relationship serenely in trust and respect, even if you do not have your jules in front of you every day. Without this, your daily life risks quickly turning into a hell of doubts and torments. And then, it avoids unpleasant surprises: it is better to learn before celebrating your two years of love that your London boyfriend thought that being faithful , given the distance, allowed him to sleep with others as long as he not’
4- See distance as an opportunity
There is a proverb that says “If you want to live together, first learn to live apart “. Remoteness can be a real opportunity. Admittedly, it’s funny every day. But it’s a way to test your love and your level of commitment to this relationship. Distance is a cleaver: it can separate you if your couple is fragile, but it can especially bring you closer than anything if not. It’s the test of fire, but not everyone misses it! Couples who overcome this hurdle have also proven to be the most durable and strongest couples.
5- Do not be afraid to maintain the desire
Sexual desire is what keeps a couple together, preventing the two parties from drifting. Not only is this a physiological need, but it is also an emotional need: this is what creates deep intimacy. Here again, the distance is a double-edged sword: if you don’t keep the flame alive, you risk getting tired of this situation and this imposed platonism. However, se xting , naughty photos or skipping Skypes are good ways to stir up desire and strengthen your bond while waiting for your reunion. And see the bright side: you save yourself the routine with its lot of elastic panties that yawn because you keep your lingerie fine for “special occasions”. And when you find yourself together in a bed, you’re unlikely to argue over who should do the shopping the next day.
6- Always be honest
The distance is scary because both partners are more likely to be exposed to – and succumb to – the temptation. This is why when you are in a long distance relationship, you have to put trust above all else. It is difficult to forgive a declared infidelity, but it is almost impossible to manage to stay with someone you see little knowing that he has tried to hide a flaw. Admit everything, even your evening in a box that was a little too wet and that went wrong. And if you are doing something that could potentially make your partner uncomfortable (like a potentially over-drunk night out in a club that could slip), tell them. It is important that he does not feel helpless or kept out of your decisions, even those that he does not necessarily adore. And at least, he will not fall from the clouds by unrolling his Facebook news feed.
7- Do things together, even when you are separated
Even when separated, doing the same things brings you closer and maintains your bond. Watch the same match, follow the same series , start the same book to talk about it together, establish a common ritual, even silly, like buying a plant every Monday, naming it and exchanging news of your new roommates respective hardwoods. It doesn’t matter: it will do you good to share daily experiences even if you are far away.
8- surprise yourself
The good news for you is that distance is only the second largest serial killer of couples, right after routine. Distance relationships have the advantage of not being subjected to the weight of routine : play it! Always surprise yourself, even when you are not together: it puts rhythm in your couple even during periods without each other! Sow little words at his place , send him packages with small gifts and surprises, order online business for him and send it, visit him in surprise: it’s up to you to be creative!
In a long distance relationship, it is the uncertainties that are complicated to manage. To avoid tension, set short and long term goals: it’s important that you know which direction you’re going. In the short term, plan in advance the dates when you can find yourself: waiting without knowing when one will see the other is exhausting morally. In the long term, think about the future that you can and want to give to your relationship. This will allow you to evolve in a common direction. Distance blurs the relationship: to limit it, the framework in which it evolves must be clear and defined.
10- Enjoy your time alone
Sometimes being in a couple prevents you without you realizing it from doing things that were close to your heart or from carrying out the projects of your dreams: living together can cause a kind of inertia that prompts you to take care of your partner and your couple before taking care of yourself. Too often we forget the importance of realizing ourselves as a person before merging with our partner in a sometimes dangerous “we”. The time you have alone, imposed by distance, is a difficult constraint to live with, but it is also an opportunity. This allows you to enjoy your family, your friends, pursue your hobbies and even discover new ones.. And being balanced and fulfilled as a person is what allows you to live in a harmonious and lasting way as a couple!
11- Meet as often as possible
The big plus of couples who live far from each other: the happiness of reunion
Quite simply. Try to see yourself as often as possible, even if it requires sacrifice and effort on both sides. Don’t get black: long distance relationships are special, sometimes painful and complicated to maintain, but they are punctuated by intense moments. The distance makes being side by side exceptional in itself: a breakfast with the other is more than enough for your happiness. Long-distance relationships restore simplicity to the couple, allowing them to enjoy small trivial moments without being overwhelmed by routine. Take advantage!