The game of cat and mouse, you know? He loves me, I move away, he no longer loves me, I get closer. Or the opposite … Even if these couple dynamics are exhausting for the protagonists, many people systematically fall back into the “pattern” with each new relationship.
What are the reasons that motivate these people to do this? Is there a way to avoid this mental torture, and above all, what are the signs that could alert us that we are embarking on an unhealthy relationship, often doomed to failure?
The game of seduction
In the very beginnings of a relationship, this famous “cat and mouse game” is normal and even fun. It’s intriguing, entertaining and even enticing. This fuels the desire of both people and pushes them to seek the presence of the other. Leave a few days between calls and / or messages, do not systematically accept all invitations, do not necessarily invite the other to finish the night at home after an evening …
All of these situations (and many more) are really just ways to ensure that the other person is genuinely interested in pursuing that relationship, that he needs and wants to see us.
However, after a while, when it becomes clear that you are “officially” in a relationship (which is very different in all couples), this game can become very destabilizing and exhausting. Very few people like to feel that the other plays with our sensitivity.
Why this behavior?
There are of course several reasons for these situations. These differ according to the people and the dynamics specific to each couple. In addition, for some, it is possible that the game remains effectively “fun” for everyone and does not require that we worry about it either. It’s a bit of fuel that drives the machine forward. On the other hand, if one or the other of the protagonists feels tired, poorly respected and uncomfortable, it is a sign that something is wrong in the behavior of the other.
Among the main reasons which push some people to let the games of seduction begin to drag on, we find:
Fear of commitment
Many men, but also women, fear putting words into their relationship for fear of getting involved. Even when we are very in love with each other, we can be afraid that the simple fact of formalizing things will change the dynamic, make us lose our freedom and “lock us” in a situation that we do not have. chosen. Against this fear of commitment, pretending that the relationship is always the same as on the first day, with its uncertainties and its games, is an excellent (unconscious) way of not engaging.
The fear of losing the other
Some people think that fully admitting their love, and living accordingly will make the other believe that there is no more challenge. Thinking of avoiding being taken for granted, these people choose to make things more difficult for the other. They believe that this means will prevent their partner from getting tired of their presence, since they must constantly “work” to take advantage of their presence.
Obviously, this is easier said than done, but the important thing to live a satisfying and harmonious relationship is to find the right balance between games of seduction (always necessary), respect for the feelings of the other and of yourself, and everyone’s need for freedom.
We may be passionately in love, if we feel uncomfortable from day to day, this is not a very good sign … There are often behaviors that can, from the start of the relationship, put you flea to the ear and make you understand that the other may not be on the same wavelength as yourself. Here are a few :
– You feel like you have to constantly make concessions.
– You only see the other when he or she decides.
– You prevent yourself from calling him, from writing, because he almost never answers.
– You feel sad in this situation, and things do not change despite your comments.
– Your partner can spend days and days without giving news.
In a romantic relationship, it must be understood that each must make an effort to satisfy the other. Differences in personality and individual expectations are often the source of many disagreements. However, if you are the “little mouse” and you constantly feel at the mercy of a big tomcat who can play with you, then crunch you when he wants, that surely is not very exciting, at least not long term …
You should find out what works for you and what you don’t like and share it with your partner. If he or she cannot meet your expectations, it may be a sign that you would be better with another kitty, or a rabbit, why not?