It takes courage…
At dinner last night, I faced reality when my partner said to me, “I gave up trying to love you, because I still haven’t found an effective way to tell you what I need without you being on the defensive. So I’m going to focus on myself. “
My gut reaction was to get angry, which was not very clever and lacked empathy and compassion for what he felt emotionally.
I kept saying to myself, “What’s the point of being with someone who has stopped trying?” If he gave up, what good is it? I also give up. “
I have lived this scenario all my life because I am struggling with chronic dissatisfaction in my love life – because I often feel that my needs are not being met.
Then I found the courage to accept these 3 not very sexy truths:
1. Expectations are simply future bitterness
So here is the first truth, ladies: you expect your partner to meet your basic needs because you are not (yet!) Able to meet them on your own.
If you don’t know how to take care of your heart, if you don’t know what you need – emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually – to live a happy and fulfilled life … then you subconsciously expect another no one does it for you!
If you expect your partner to meet your needs by reading your body and mind language, I admit that you are going to the wall.
2. We ALL want to feel loved and protected by another (and that’s good!)
I won’t even pretend to believe you if you tell me you don’t care about feeling loved and pampered by another human being, so stop convincing yourself or anyone else (you’re bluffing!).
We ALL (including me – and you!) Want to feel loved, pampered and adored by others, but until we recognize and are ready to receive it, no matter what others do for us , it will never be enough.
We may be fighting for that, but we won’t win. Our anger will repel love and we will be alone.
Our anger will then turn into sadness, and we will become stuck in the reductive belief that we are not “enough”.
3. When we believe that we are not “enough”, we seek to blame our partner instead of thinking about how we can take better care of ourselves.
We often have the impression that nobody understands us. We say to ourselves: “I don’t need much – I just need a partner who respects me, who helps me from time to time and who doesn’t always think of him first …” And so on !
We blame others for our state of being and look for reasons to justify why we are stuck where we are, we stop looking for better solutions.
When we are stuck, we cannot grow, evolve, or free ourselves from our self-destructive patterns in our relationships.
Here is the solution to face these not very sexy truths and start to attract the LOVE to which you aspire:
Identify what you are constantly doing in your love life that is not working and promise to change that.
Get the help and support you need to grow and break your habit so you don’t have to do it alone.
Know that getting help does not mean you are weak or helpless. It means you are strong and courageous!
By asking for help, you are asking the Universe to light your way when you cannot see.
Even when we let a trusted mentor / coach guide us, we need to understand that we are the only ones who can decide to change our lives for the better!
NO ONE else will release you from the debt you have accumulated.
No one else will make you feel beautiful if you don’t believe you are beautiful.
And it doesn’t matter how many times the toilet seat stays up, or how many times the dishes aren’t done, or how many times he leaves his underwear on the floor and his thread on the edge of the sink … it doesn’t matter !
Stop wasting your energy complaining. Use your energy to see what your heart really needs right now to make YOU happy.
You owe it to yourself first and foremost, and you owe it to him too – because he’s trying to love you, but he feels like he can’t because you don’t want to let in his love.
When you don’t let love in, you repel love.
If you want to attract love, you have to do whatever it takes to love and take care of your heart first. Get the help you need to grow, and stop wasting your time and energy feeling insignificant and believing you’re NOT ENOUGH!
Defend what you really are.
Let your light shine so that others find their way to you and never give up on love!