“Hunting”, the formidable technique of the ex who does not give up the case

A new term has appeared to designate a toxic attitude within a couple: “haunting”. And it would perhaps be worse than “ghosting”, this practice which consists in breaking away by giving no more signs of life.

You thought your story was over, dead and buried. But now it comes back to “haunt” you. And not with text messages or phone calls, but much more insidiously. Without ever speaking directly to you, it lets you know it is there, like a spirit floating in a room. This paranormal-looking scenario even has a name: “haunting” or, in French “haunting”.

Even more devious than “ghosting”

The “haunter” does not wander in a large empty and dusty mansion, but on the net. His favorite place? Social networks. A mention “like” on the photos of your last vacation that you just posted on your Facebook account, an emoji on one of your Instagram publications … Seen from this angle, it must be admitted that the term ” haunt “is perfectly chosen. This phenomenon is in a way the reverse of “ghosting”, this cruel practice which aims to eliminate a person from his virtual life.

Except that “haunting” turns out to be even more devious, since by doing so, whoever practices it prevents you from forgetting it. Difficult in this context to move on . “To haunt is to watch your story on Instagram, to appear voluntarily in the list of your spectators but to keep this semi-passive status of ghost of the past”, explains to Inrocks Ariane Picoche, co-director of ASV STP, a web documentary on online dating sites.

How to get rid of a “haunter”?

Ultimately, haunting and ghosting have two things in common: playing on the absence of dialogue (in a more or less violent way) and using the web as a playground. And in these two specific cases, the question arises: how deal ? If the person eliminates you from their virtual life, do the same. Delete his Twitter account, block him on Facebook and on Instagram, if he hasn’t already done so before. This will keep you from becoming obsessed and becoming the “haunter” in turn.

In the case of haunting , ask yourself especially why your ex is doing this and in what proportions. Is it really worth making yourself sick for one or two unhappy likes? Take a step back and try to take an objective point of view by focusing on the personality of the potential “haunter”. If you have established before you even broke up that he is a selfish, even a narcissistic pervert , then you have every reason to “ghost” to protect yourself from this toxic attitude.

But also be aware that if it does not fall into this category, it may simply reflect a difficulty on its part to forget you. “Looking back allows you to understand the complex feelings we feel for people we care about,” says Dr. Jennifer Freeder to Bustle .

70% of users consult their ex’s profile

According to psychiatrist Suzana E. Flores, author of a book on the impact of Facebook on romantic relationships , 70% of users continue to consult their ex’s Facebook account . You bet you’ve been tempted more than once yourself. Rest assured, that does not make you a “haunter” so far. A fortiori if you act discreetly, that is to say carefully avoiding leaving an emoji or liking a post on the account of the person you are watching.

In conclusion, it is up to you to see if the “haunter” deserves this label and whether or not it is necessary to “ghost” it to free yourself from it. Keep in mind that if the break-up is fresh, the person may stop on their own.