How to Slow Down and Enjoy Having Sex

A friend of mine made a confession to me the other day. “Do you know what the best part of having sex is?” she asked. Then she answered her own question, “When it’s over.”

I asked her what she meant and she explained it this way, “Honestly, I’m too tired for sex most of the time so I just want to get it over with. I love my husband, but I am so glad when we get into bed and he doesn’t want to have sex. I go a million miles a minute all day and the last thing I want to do is shift gears for sex.” I’m pretty sure my friend isn’t the only one too tired for sex. But if you can slow down enough to enjoy sex, it’s worth it. Here’s how to do it.

Take care of the obvious.

If you are physically exhausted, sex is probably not going to be enjoyable. So, first, you want to figure out a way to set aside some energy for sex. If that sounds too random, you and your husband can plan ahead for sex. Choose a night or two a week when your schedules leave you with more reserves than usual. If Netlix or Facebook is stealing away your time and sleep, cut back (a new study says that adults are having less sex and that being online is likely to blame). You can also check out these four things you can do when you’re not in the mood. 

Change your thinking about sex.

If you see sex as a chore, it will feel that way. Think about how sex strengthens your relationship with your husband. Think about the parts you enjoy and dwell on those. If you’re going to have sex, you might as well enjoy it. Think about the other benefits — it boosts your immune system, it reduces stress, it helps you sleep better, it improves your skin tone — just kidding on that last one, but, hey, there are worse ways to get your heart rate up.

Bring sexy back.

Have a conversation with your husband where each of you talks about the best sex you ever had with each other. Just talking about it will create a connection and add a sense of excitement to your relationship — it might even get you in the mood right then and there. Once you’ve talked about your best sex, recreate it. If you and your husband have different favorites, recreate both.

Sex is part of you.

Yes, you’re a mom, but try to remember that your sexual side is part of you too. And if you’re married, remember that sex is a significant factor in what makes marriage unique to other relationships.

What other recommendations do you have to enjoy sex in your marriage?

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