With the means of communication that multiply, internet meetings, business trips, summer love … it happens more and more that we meet the perfect man (or almost) but several hundred kilometers from our place of life.
What to do ? Try a story from a distance or stop before it’s too late? Jules, with his blue eyes, his summer tan, is it worth it to start waiting for a reunion six months later? Are distance stories impossible stories?
In short, far from the eyes, far from the heart?
When to try the relationship from a distance?
You lived close to each other …
… But, for professional reasons, you must separate. There is no point in hastening the rupture. If your relationship is a few months old, you might as well try everything for everything.
Especially if you have a DEADLINE (a deadline by which you will find yourself).
You met from a distance
… Like on the net, for example.
There, directly, it is more complicated. Your relationship will start with a lot of idealization of the other. Indeed, when you see it, you will live a nameless passion and, when you separate, your Jules will be even more beautiful in your memories.
As long as you can: avoid. At the risk of sinking into an OI : deep.
NOTE: If you haven’t seen each other yet, this is, without a doubt, an OI.
You met on vacation
He is tanned, happy, relaxed, his skin has a taste of sun and salt… In short, you are crazy about it. You have known him for two weeks and already, it is time to separate. You hesitate to continue.
A word of advice: don’t do it.
Holiday love is magic, because it is JUST holiday love. At the start of the school year, Jules will have lost his tan, will have gained dark circles, and will be stressed like all workers in winter.
So remember to remember the salt, the tan, the mosquitoes and the traces of your bathing suit.
=> In short, it is better to avoid long-distance relationships. But, as often in love, this is the kind of advice that we would follow if we were not in love…
When is distance communication possible?
Certain conditions are necessary for the long-distance relationship to work. Without it, it will only be a series of sufferings, frustrations, tears and others. Love – we tend to forget it when we love – it is, first, to do good. If your relationship brings you much more suffering than happiness, think about breaking up .
1. See each other regularly
” Out of sight out of mind “.
When you love, you sometimes forget the correctness of this maxim (or proverb, I never understood the difference). Being at a distance, OK. But never seeing each other is no longer a romantic relationship, but rather virtual.
If you do not want your / his feelings to wane, try to see yourself, at LARGE MINIMUM once a month.
2. Trust each other
Jealousy and distance do not mix much!
If you start to have
- to track your partner so that he justifies all his outings
- not to bear that he sees his friends
- constantly asking yourself if he really loves you
- to ask you if, right now, he’s not fooling around elsewhere…
Might as well stop there. For you. At the risk of your life become hell.
You will not be able to effectively monitor the actions of your guy. Nor ask him to sacrifice an evening with his friends. Whatever he tells you, you have to take his word for it, you have no choice.
If trust is one of the bases for romantic relationships in general, it becomes ESSENTIAL from a distance. If you’ve been hurt too much, and it’s impossible for you to trust a man (yet), don’t try the devil. Choose a partner living closer to you.
Have a DEADLINE
DEADLINE is the deadline when the question of distance will no longer arise. One of the two (or both) will move to the same city.
It is not a question of making a life of two urgent, but that it is possible. Because, in the long term, the distance is untenable. It is only the solution to continue being together in the medium term.
The DEADLINE can handle the most difficult moments. It allows you to find courage when the distance becomes painful. Without it, there’s nothing to hang on to.
If all DEADLINE is impossible, you might as well stop your story. It’s like a bandage that is removed, better to go suddenly, than little by little. Because, inevitably, you will go towards the rupture.
NOTE: Likewise, it is important when you leave your partner on the station platform to know the date of your next weekend together. These are small DEADLINE which allows holding in the short term. We are less sad on the train since we can already think of the next appointment.
Have a busy life
We will not repeat it enough (here or in all personal development books, for that matter), nothing beats a busy life. In long-distance relationships, it will keep you from languishing on your lover, so far away …
The distance can even prove to be an asset in achieving your dreams and projects . Indeed, Doudou is far away, you have time for yourself, your work, your friends / your friends, your ambitions, your passions … So, by being a positive a little, distance becomes a boon.
How to communicate remotely?
By what means?
All means of communication are good for talking to the man you love. So we are thinking of alternating:
- SMS: This can be sent without reason, during the day. We alternate between humor, love words, sexting (erotic texting). We try as much as possible to avoid trivialities such as “Are you okay?” ” And, we forget the SMS language which cruelly lacks elegance.
- Phone calls: If you want to have no more talking points when you see yourself, chat for 2 hours every night on the phone. Otherwise, keep long conversations as exceptional. Two or three calls a week will be enough.
- Mails: It’s a bit like modern letters. The guys don’t always hang on. But, it’s worth trying a long romantic email and seeing Jules’ reaction. If he answers, it’s all good.
- Skype: Skype must have been invented especially for couples at a distance. It is a good way to discuss, but also, for students to revise “together” or at least “by seeing each other”. And, if you are not cold in the eyes, you can even try a str**ptease via the cam.
- Letter: It’s a bit old-fashioned, but it’s so romantic. Avoid declaring your flame.
When to communicate?
There are no good rules in quantitative terms. The only advice: don’t be the most demanding. Make yourself desired.
If, during the day, you send him 14 texts, 3 emails, and you call him 8 times during the day whereas he, only sends you a text once every two days: you will appear as so demanding that you will lose interest in him. You will become a “sticky” girl.
Do it according to him. Ask him for slightly less news than he does. It should automatically increase the frequency of its calls. The famous “flee me, I follow you” …
- think of being as often the one who hangs up first
- if you are in the middle of the evening with girlfriends, call later
- wait until he calls first, even if it itches…
In short, remain the inaccessible star.
Distance stories are not the simplest. Not always impossible and often much more passionate than others, they require certain adjustments (and we didn’t even talk about the training budget!).
And you, could you try the long-distance relationship?