When you’re in a relationship, you can get bored. It is almost inevitable. You are with the same person, you do the same things.
And that’s exactly what you wanted when you first got together. Of security. Stability. No bad surprises.
But the price to pay to satisfy our hunger for loyalty is very high: We are abandoning the new. We only have one person. One relationship. No exchange or refund.
Imagine you have to leave all the clothes in your wardrobe, and keep only one. You can choose your favorite garment, but you have to wear it every day. How do you think you will feel in a week? Will you still love it as much as when you chose it?
Humans are as hungry for novelty as they are for loyalty.
We want things to be the same, but different. We want what we have always had, but also what we have never tried.
The pleasure of novelty is evident at the start of a relationship, when everything is new and wonderful.
For many couples, it will never be so exciting again. Even their tenth birthday is not comparable to the first date, where they were both nervous, excited, and hopeful.
It’s the same with clothes. You could even say that the pleasure of having a new item of clothing diminishes from the moment you take out your credit card to pay for it. Now it’s just another piece of clothing in your closet. The novelty has disappeared.
In a relationship, you have to find the perfect balance between loyalty and novelty. Go too far in one direction, and it gets boring. Go too far the other way, and it becomes unpredictable.
How to maintain this balance? Here are three suggestions.
1. No emergency exit.
Regularly criticize your choice by asking yourself: “Should I be in this relationship? Is it really the right one? Limits the satisfaction you get from your relationship.
Studies show that when people have two options, they are less satisfied with their decision because they have the opportunity to change their mind afterwards.
On the other hand, once you’re stuck with your choice, you usually find ways to appreciate it.
For example, you need a new car. You hesitate between a Honda CRV and a Toyota Rav4. They seem equal. At least… until you buy one. Shortly after, you find yourself explaining to people why the one you chose is superior to the other.
It is a well known psychological phenomenon. We convince ourselves (automatically and unconsciously) that we have made the right choice, but only once this choice has been made, and that going back is no longer possible.
Here’s another example. Someone gives you a new sofa. You don’t like it and you plan to replace it quickly. But after sitting on it every night for years, you hesitate to get rid of it.
The more time you spend with someone or something, a person or an object, the more your affection grows.
So get deeper into your relationship, and see if it changes anything. Stop focusing on what is not working. Concentrate instead on how to ensure that it works.
2. Play more.
Dating is a game for adults.
For your first date, you go out and have fun. The time you spend together takes you out of everyday life. You live pure pleasure, without thinking of tomorrow.
Then you put yourself together.
Everything changes. You stay inside instead of going out. No more time for frivolous things. You are serious now. It is important.
But being too serious distorts relationships.
If you don’t leave time for pleasure, responsibilities will seep into every corner of your day. They will take over everything. There are so many things you should do. You could be more productive.
But a relationship born out of play cannot be fueled only by work.
This is why so many couples like to plan regular “romantic evenings”. They take one evening a week to reconnect with each other.
Romantic evenings aren’t the only way to incorporate more play into a relationship. Teasing, laughing, and watching entertainment also works.
You can go out dancing, or indulge your inner child by going to mini-golf or in an amusement park. You can get away from it all in a hotel fifteen minutes from your home for an evening of madness. Have fun and forget the worries of your daily life.
A couple playing together really stays together.
3. Take the time to treat yourself.
Playing is something you do together. Pleasure is just for you.
Rediscover what makes you shine.
You and your partner will not necessarily enjoy the same things. The pleasure is individual. Taking time to please yourself gives your partner time to do the same.
Pleasure breaks routine. He never gets old. Eat a good meal, enjoy a massage, lie in the sun. The pleasure is always new.
Some women have learned that taking time for pleasure is selfish. It is not true. It means having “time for yourself”.
Having fun fuels your inner fire. It fills your reserves of peace, joy, and satisfaction. By having fun, you will have more to give to others. Your company is pleasant. And your man will feel privileged to be with such a satisfied woman.
Does it sound boring? Not at all. Fill your relationship with play, fun, and satisfaction, and you and your partner will never want to leave.