How to love without suffering or how to learn to love while preserving yourself?
Here is an existential question that each of us has had to ask at least once in our life.
And here, I think, is an informed answer that should do you good …
If love is one of the most powerful feelings ever experienced by humans (men and women combined), its negative corollary can be as powerful and destructive for everyone, hence fear, for many of us. who were lucky to know this feeling, to fall back into the scheme “If I love again, I take the risk of also suffering the day he (or she) leaves me”.
In addition, love is a feeling so whole, that it is impossible to love only half or “partially” … So how?
We all remember our first teenage heartache, or worse, later when we thought we might have finally found the man or woman of our life.
So how do you “love without suffering”? This question haunted me since my adolescence so that at a certain time in my life, I decided to “control my feelings” (Yes I know this term is awful).
This restraint in my feelings was not intended to offend the other, but rather to protect myself from a breakup, from an unwanted departure.
My readings inspired me and I said to myself that there were several ways to love, and even that we could perhaps love several people at the same time but … differently (cf. polyamorous).
The pain of a separation, although not proportional to the time spent with the other does not have the same impact on our lives either depending on whether we are 15, 25, 45 or 55 years … or more!
So how do we get rid of this fear of being hurt again, assuming that everything on earth is impermanent and that life, like love, like health, can be snatched away from us without even having our say?
Being myself a recent “heart injury”, I was therefore primarily interested in the response of this Buddhist monk who, during an information meeting on the theme of “managing emotions” m literally made us smile by shedding disarmingly simple questions about love.
In fact, for many of us, to love is to take the risk of opening up … and therefore of suffering.
It is a cruel dilemma whether to choose to abstain or to take life as it stands, knowing that one day it may be necessary to “be accountable” or “pay the bill”.
I simply asked him this question: “Can we love without suffering” and the answer is of a biblical simplicity.
It is enough to know how to detach oneself from the other by not making possession of it. He thus distinguishes the notion of Love with that of Attachment.
This dialogue of which you will find the short extract on video should make you realize that there are in fact several ways to love.
The one that “enriches us and makes us even stronger” that is to say, Love with the one that makes or will make us suffer one day or another (Attachment).
o, and you, how do you like your “spouse”, “friend”, “love”, “half”…? Do we take the test and take the bet?
I want to clarify that I do not hold the truth in matters of love, because everyone experiences this feeling with “their own guts”.
The purpose of this post is simply to help you better understand this magnificent feeling by welcoming it FULLY without worrying about the negative consequences linked to our own vision of things.
To make of his Love, “his thing” or “his property” can only lead unfortunately and I think that to failure.
And you what do you think?
