Here is a question that many people ask themselves. How to find the right person? Why do I never “fall” on the right person? Why do my relationships never work where do not make me happy? If these questions speak to you or you are interested in this subject, I invite you to read more.
Does the right person exist?
I will perhaps make you scream or on the contrary, reassure you, by revealing my vision of things.
I think the right person does not exist but there are good people. First, I do not think that for all of us, there is only one good person who exists on this earth and I do not think couples are separating because they were not the right person the one for the other (at least not always).
In my opinion, all the people with whom you had a relationship, was the right person at that time.
No meeting is the result of chance, even less when this meeting leads to a relationship. Yes, even relationships that have been or are complicated, painful, violent, etc …
Every person with whom you had a story, nice or not, was there to teach you something (without knowing it).
In repeated love relationships, ask yourself what they have been able to teach you or what they can teach you (if you have not yet decoded the message).
If you have had many relationships with people who lie to you, ask yourself what you are lying to yourself. These liars may have been there to reveal something about you, thanks to the mirror effect.
What are you really looking for in love?
To know oneself and to be honest with oneself
What do you really want in love?
What are you really looking for in a relationship?
If you do not know what you are looking for in a relationship, you may not be able to fully develop in it because often in this case, it is a kind of emptiness that the person seeks to fill .
But no one can make happy someone who does not make himself happy already alone. If you are looking for happiness, if you are looking for a person who will make you happy, it’s a safe bet that you can not find what you are looking for.
So if at the beginning of the relationship you may find it. But when the relationship will arise and settle, you will not find in the other, what you thought to find, ie, happiness. Because happiness is in you and not outside. If you wait for the other to bring it to you, your happiness will not last.
Make the point
Ask yourself these few questions and above all, be honest with yourself (otherwise, it is useless).
What are you really looking for in love?
What types of stories do you want more?
What kind of person are you looking for, would you like for a fulfilling relationship and who would you really like?
If you are looking for tenderness, cuddles, small attentions and that you “fall” constantly on people very closed, cold, who do not bring you what you need, there is not only an imbalance which makes that the relationship can not be fulfilling but it is also time to ask yourself questions about why you always attract those partners who are the opposite of what you are looking for (at least partly)?
But I will go further and invite you to think about this question:
Is this type of partner that you think is suitable for you?
Sometimes, we have desires from the mind or to correspond to an idea that we have long since the perfect love relationship or to match the ideal presented in society.
But that is not necessarily what is best for you and you would not necessarily be fulfilled in the relationship for all that!
Maybe the type of partners you’re used to have is right for you, but does not fit the idea you had? If so, you may be fighting in the void and therefore for nothing.
Perhaps by letting go of what you think are requirements and needs, you will find yourself fulfilled with this type of partner who often comes to you.
What is most important to you?
I invite you to ask yourself this question, take the time to think about it and above all, be honest.
Take the example of a woman who is attracted to big men and barracks, to satisfy his need to feel safe.
This woman also needs tenderness, small attentions, sweetness. But if a tall, bumpy man (all that she dreamed of physically speaking) , presents herself to her but is cold, distant, macho, neither tender nor romantic, would it suit him? Would she be happy?
I highly doubt it.
So perhaps these men, whom she is accustomed to frequent, who are tender, inwardly as she likes, but physically not as “perfect” as she imagined, fit her?
This woman was not veiled her face, blinded by her obsession with the image she made herself and her need for security to fill? In this case, his need for security may be only a belief, a wound to heal. This being settled, she could very well find herself completely fulfilled and happy in a relationship with that kind of men who had presented themselves to her for years.
The opposite is true too. Someone who always attends the same kind of person, thinking that it is the person of his dreams but it never works, blinded by beliefs or distorted perceptions of his own needs and desires.
Some tips for a healthy and harmonious couple
I think that to create a healthy and harmonious couple and make it last in time, it is important to pay particular attention to certain points, which I list below.
The first point and in my opinion, the most important to start a relationship: take care of yourself!
I think it’s important to know how to take care of yourself before you want to take care of the other person and the couple that is forming.
Be authentic from the first meeting with someone. I’m not talking about being flirtatious, but being honest, not playing a game.
Be “true”, do not say things just to please. We often tend to play a game during the first meetings, to please. The problem is that if these first moments that lead to a relationship are skewed, when you start to fully be yourself in the relationship, the other person may not recognize you, to say that it is not that image that he liked.
A harmonious, healthy and healthy couple is made up of two people who are together by choice and not out of a need of love.
Both people know how to take care of each other but each also knows how to take care of herself. The nuance is very important.
Stop wanting to play the savior, this is the best way to lose yourself in the relationship. You can help the other person to save himself but do not carry the other at arm’s length, it is not to help him and it is not to help you either
Do not let anyone belittle you, not even yourself and avoid victimizing you, this is not the way you will go.
There is not a good person in love. There may be many, the right person (among others) is a person who loves you as yourself, who wants to spend time with you, to share with you.
A harmonious relationship is a relationship of equals, that is to say in which there is not one of the two people who is constantly making sacrifices.
Because in this case, the person who is constantly making sacrifices, gets lost in the relationship, she can not be herself and does not follow her heart. Then follows a heaviness over the years and an impression of loss of meaning of his own life.
A harmonious relationship is a relationship in which the two people forming the couple help each other to grow mutually, communicate easily, respect each other, love each other tenderly for what each one is.
Of course, this does not mean that there will not be more difficult days or periods, it is also where we grow up and discover ourselves (the other, ourselves and the couple we are forming).
To know oneself well and to know one’s values is therefore important to send the right message, to be in the right trajectory to arrive at the right destination (meet the right person).
Before looking for a partner to go to the cinema, share the passion of travel or go to the restaurant, first ask the basics of what you are looking for values, as qualities in your partner.