Does this title seem strange to you? I explain to you. I recently read Alexandre Jardin’s Autobiography of Love. And, at one point, the character explains in 4 points to his wife everything they should do to “destroy their couple”. Obviously, the idea is to do the exact opposite of what is written. And, it’s very true, when we turn the sentences in the opposite direction, these 4 lessons are more than beneficial for all couples!
How to destroy your couple in 4 lessons (Extract from Autobiography of love by Alexandre Jardin)
Lesson N ° 1: You will hold the other as responsible for your own renunciations
First, if we want to be sure that we are effectively aggravating our mutual grievances, we must at all costs continue to hold the other responsible for our own renunciations. Even if it is obvious that he or she did not directly prevent us from satisfying a desire, it is enough to be convinced that it is his fault and that there is nothing, absolutely nothing, that we can do. ourselves to meet our needs.
In order to achieve this every time, it would be wise to maintain the confusion between our needs and what could fill them. (…)
Lesson # 2: Spend your time wondering why it is going badly rather than how it could get better.
To increase the chances of marriage breakdown, we must also refuse to act directly on our difficulties as a couple. It suffices to talk about it – which gives inexpensive the appearance of being concerned with the resolution of our problems – by constantly wondering why it is bad rather than how it could get better.
The search for the cause is an intellectually exciting pastime which provides all the pleasures of complacency; it also has the advantage of focusing our attention on tasty questions that, surely, gargling us with the popular idea that we unlock a crisis by finding the cause, we should, therefore, succeed in getting bogged down permanently.
Conclusion: It is forbidden to really tackle what makes you suffer, to leave your hand on the fire while wondering with sagacity why the fire burns.
Lesson 3: Changing the Other
We should also convince ourselves that it is necessary to change the other for a change to occur in our relationship, and that this prerequisite is imperative. This rule is fundamental to undermine our love with some chances of success.
If we were weak enough to believe that only our own change can bring about the change of the other, we would risk sinking and perhaps becoming happy people.
Lesson N ° 4: Never set precise objectives to improve the couple’s life
Fourth, it would be pragmatic to never set a specific goal to improve our common life. If we were adept at constantly making vague and confused wishes, we would greatly increase the likelihood of retaining our frustrations. If Jeanne committed the imprudence to free two hours every Thursday so that we are finally available the one for the other, my duty would be to sneer at this suggestion, to stigmatize its predictable character, not romantic, and to propose to the instead of relying on the momentum. This would make us more likely to miss us for long weeks.
Here, I find these four formidable principles. Just do the opposite, and your married life will get better!