Let’s start with two questions:
- How are you feeling right now?
- If you are in a relationship, do you think you would still be happy with your boyfriend in a year?
You can tell yourself that these questions are unrelated. After all, how you currently feel has nothing to do with what you think you will feel for your boyfriend in a year, does it?
A study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology has shown that people are more satisfied with their lives when the weather is nice, or when they think of happy things.
We all know that when you are on vacation when the weather is nice and warm, life is better.
The way we feel today has an impact on how we think we will feel in the future.
Don’t make hasty decisions!
If you were asked just after a particularly violent argument with your boyfriend, you would certainly express serious doubts about your compatibility in the long term. Spend the rest of your life with this monkey? Unlikely.
But if you were asked the question right after a Valentine’s Day during which your boyfriend spared no effort, you would certainly have a good idea of the style of wedding dress you want, and the number of people you will invite to your wedding.
Knowing this gives us important information about what not to do in a relationship.
Do not decide to marry your partner on a whim, just because you have just had a wonderful weekend.
Don’t break up in the middle of an argument just because it pissed you off.
In fact, try to avoid making a long-term decision when you are feeling strong emotions because what you are feeling at the moment can affect your vision for the future.
And don’t hesitate to use this psychological trick on him:
If you want to ask him something that involves a commitment to the future, wait until he is in a radiant mood. The better he will feel, the more likely he will accept (all children know this trick. They wait until mom and dad are in a good mood to ask them something).
But there is something else you should know.
What we feel in the present moment also has an impact on what we feel in relation to the past. Let me show you why this is important in your relationship.
Imagine, for example, that two weeks after a horrible argument, you are sitting on a warm sandy beach with your loved one. A journalist arrives and asks if you would like to answer a few questions for his article on honeymoon couples. You shyly shake your head and tell him you’re not on your honeymoon.
” I got screwed! “He exclaims. “You seem to know the secret of a happy relationship. Would you like to share? How would you answer him?
Would you mention the argument you had two weeks earlier to correct his erroneous assumption? “Oh no, we are not perfect. We argue, like everyone else. “
Or would you completely forget that you had an argument? “Yes, that’s right, we know a lot about happiness”.
After all, this reporter thinks that you are the perfect representation of the happy couple. Happy couples don’t argue. So whatever might have happened two weeks ago, it was bound to be a bad time in your overall happy relationship.
We revisit the past according to how we feel at the moment.
You can fully observe this trend after a breakup. When a couple separates, you often hear each of them explain to you in detail that they knew from the start that it was not going to work: “But I ignored all the warning signs because I l ‘loved so much’.
(Ok, this is the first time you’ve heard of these warning signs, but let’s move on.)
It is often not until these strong emotions have subsided (perhaps a few weeks or even a few years later) that separated couples can speak objectively about their relationship: ” Yes, there were bad times, but there were also good times ”.
Knowing this, you might find it easier to forgive an ex for everything he told you after your breakup. Everything he said about “never having really loved you anyway” is not necessarily true. He might just be reinterpreting the past based on the pain he feels in the present.
You could also avoid asking your partner how it is that they love you when they are in a bad mood. The worse it feels, the less likely it will give you the answer you expect.
Our mood matters. It represents how we predict the future and how we explain the past.
This is just another example of how our mind likes to play tricks on us. Fortunately, now that you know the truth, you will not be fooled!