Why is marriage so hard in comparison? If you’ve been married longer than four months, you know some of the answers to that question. The first is that marriage is a union of two imperfect people in an imperfect world. Next, marriage is 24/7 real life. Third, marriage that involves children brings a whole additional layer of challenges. Do you feel like your marriage is going nowhere? Here are three lies that lead to a dead end marriage.
Author Leslie Vernick says that much of our unhappiness in marriage comes from our mindset; our expectations. Yes, marriages can have real problems that need to be addressed but, often our beliefs can make average marriages “feel” worse.
1. I want to live happily ever after.
If we buy into a romance novel idea of love and marriage, our marriage will fall short in comparison. This belief can also lead us to think, “Maybe there’s someone else I can be happier with. Maybe I picked the wrong person. If only I did this or that, I could live happily ever after.”
Leslie says that this belief creates an unrealistic expectation that marriage doesn’t have less than perfect moments.
2. Life should be fair.
If we believe this, we feel hurt, resentful or bitter when things don’t go our way in marriage. Instead, Leslie says to say to yourself, “There are lots of good things in my life. It’s not everything I want, but I can be thankful for the good things.”
3. I deserve better.
For example, thinking: “I’m not going to settle for this marriage. I’m either going to badger my spouse until he improves or until he leaves, and then I’ll be able to get what I want and deserve.”
Leslie says that if you live by looking at everything you don’t have, you’ll feel entitled to be bitter and resentful, and you’ll make yourself miserable.