Conscious listening protects you from toxic relationships


Why know how to listen? Because knowing how to listen is as important as knowing that words are powerful and can turn into evils…

“Do other people’s words turn into evils and do these words control you?”
Accept or change your strategy. “

Not everyone uses the word congruently. We do not always speak in conscience, and in this case, most of the time we are not in completely in “the present moment”. The messages received which travel through the various filters specific to each interlocutor produce a significant distortion between the intention of the message sent and the meaning of the message received.

Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) observes a very particular interest in the word, in the construction of sentences that resonate deep within each of us. Each personal story, each of our maps of the world potentially entails different emotional charges that they have for us: cultural, social, spiritual, emotional connotation … These words can make us feel like an alpha state, a hypnotic trance … In general we use these kinds of words to describe very personal things, sometimes intimate, that touch us deeply. Learning to listen is important to detect these words, these hypnotic sentences, specific to each person even if these words represent only a small part of communication.

Among all the hypnotic words, there is one that most often triggers attention, often a certain dose of comfort, for everyone: it is his first name. Use it and you will create a proximity report that will facilitate your exchanges. Remember various situations; did you hear your first name? Do you use the first names of the people you talk to? For all, or only some…

When you hear your first name, don’t you have the reflex to turn around, react, feel something in your body? The simple fact that a person uses your first name: is this already a form of recognition, influence, manipulation? If it’s a person you don’t know very well yet, or even you’ve just met, the effect is even stronger, isn’t it? In a way, it is even flattering to say that the other has retained our first name so quickly. It is as if you already counted for this person, as if this person recognized you in your entire individuality, almost intimately …

Although benevolence fortunately characterizes many people, the power of the simple use of the first name is a “tool” known to manipulators who in this specific case have a certain secondary benefit from this practice. This is a good place to start building confidence and if you are an emotionally dependent person   … .. beware of danger!

Never pronouncing or no longer pronouncing the first name of a person you know, is like gradually erasing part of their personality, like erasing a bit of what they are… Refusing to use people’s first names, c is a way to make them transparent, to dehumanize them in your own eyes, and, little by little, in their own eyes. Again this is malicious, manipulation and you must flee this kind of person immediately!

Even if you did not yet know this “strategy”, you can now practice it with all the kindness that I know is yours. Man is, it seems, an animal in search of meaning. A double meaning. A sense linked to the intention or the purpose of our actions and our choices which aim at the satisfaction of our deep values. Any other interpretation is just speculation, right? And another meaning linked to the cognitive means used unconsciously to nourish these values. Indeed, in a given situation, we have habitual ways of organizing our thought and directing our attention. We filter the information available in us and around us to create the mind maps that will organize the action. It is particularly interesting to know how to understand our mind maps and for example as I practice it, to create a projection in paper mind map (or on computer). These “meta-programs” somehow represent the main trends of our thinking and you would be surprised to learn to get to know yourself more and more with a powerful methodology…

By organizing our thinking and directing our attention, “meta-programs” influence our representations of a situation, and determine how we feel and act. We are at the heart of the system of self-influence or self-manipulation of individuals. An influence that concerns us first and foremost. I found it great and sometimes confusing to discover my self-handling schemes to facilitate or sabotage the achievement of my goals. Because these influences and strategies which remain in an unconscious state have the most powerful effects. The problem is never the system of influence in itself, but its inadequacy to a situation. NLP / PNL and Tony Buzan’s learning technologies have become unexpectedly powerful tools that have completely changed my daily life.

It is not enough to speak to each other to understand each other, and especially when we speak the same language. It is still necessary to know how to connect on the modes of thought of the other. Ask the right question and carefully observe what is happening in the other, be fully, fully present: the physical reaction, the structure of his language gives you keys to identify how the other influences and not what he knows his way of thinking. It is the difference that makes all the difference among communication methods. And you have the words that have power, that of triggering and maintaining the motivation of a person for example. Not to mention that this other person is often yourself. “Meta-programs” manifest themselves through language verbal and non-verbal.

When you have become aware of the unconscious mechanisms of influence, you will be able to use them more effectively and more respectfully of yourself and others. And understand why communication is an art. And also that your ability to influence the other is a function of your ability to establish relationships of trust as much with yourself as with the other. Your ability to influence, not “manipulate”, is a powerful safeguard against malicious influence that really protects you from toxic relationships .

Open yourself to the possibility that others no longer have this power over your emotional reaction because now I know you know that you just have to decide to learn how to use and hear words better so as not to feel them turn into ailments.