Can This Marriage Be Saved?

Marriage struggles can be crippling. It often feels like living with a roommate and constantly wondering if it will ever get better. You may even question: can this marriage be saved?

As a therapist, I get asked this question all the time. I hear about anxieties that the conflict will never end and the fears that this is as good as it gets. If you’ve ever felt that, let me reassure you, I have seen many marriages recover from the valuable input of therapy.

I’ve worked with many people who have gone through divorce. Their pain is excruciating. But, I also know that staying may feel just as painful. Why does it feel like there are only two options that end with horrible pain? Stay and be miserable, or go and bring on another painful struggle. But what if there’s another route to take? What if there was an option for it to really get better?

If you feel like your marriage is headed down a bad path, here are a couple reasons I think you should give therapy a try:

You need someone to help you work through the conflict.

Having a mediator can help get you to the root of the problem. Getting to the bottom of the real issues helps begin deeper healing. {Tweet This} When you get stuck on the surface, you never really get understood and needs are left unmet.

You need to heal.

Talking through all that has happened will give you a chance to put the past in the past. Resentments don’t magically go away if you divorce. They stay with you, divorced or not. Going to therapy can help you heal regardless of what path your marriage ends up on.

You need to learn from your mistakes.

As easy as it is to blame your spouse for everything, you have been part of the process too. Talking to a therapist can highlight the lessons you need to learn to make changes that help you be a better wife, mom, and friend. There’s so much to learn about yourself during hard time.

You need to turn every stone.

Before you give up on your marriage, I encourage you to make sure you’ve turned over every stone. That’s what I tell my clients to do when they are questioning if divorce is their next step. It is important for you to avoid regrets by knowing you did everything that you could to make it work. You hold 50% of the responsibility and your husband holds the other 50%. Spending some time on a therapist’s couch can help you evaluate if you have made every effort to keep the marriage alive.

Many people come to therapy as a “last effort”, and their hearts aren’t in it. They have already made up their mind that it’s over. They were severely tardy to therapy and it’s too late to save their marriage. Don’t invite that kind of pain onto yourself and your family. Be proactive and take a step towards a healthier marriage. Here are 8 ways to get you started by taking a stand for your marriage.

If your marriage has been in a dark place, what helped you recover and move to a healthier place?

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