I am often asked if a narcissistic pervert has been able to love, if they need love and if they can give it.
It’s normal to find out if, when we were in a toxic relationship with a narcissistic pervert, we were loved, if he had feelings or if everything was wrong.
I will answer very simply: I will withdraw the word “love” and replace it by filling in its narcissism.
1. I love myself too much to love you
Love for a narcissistic pervert consists in loving his ego. And only his ego. So if the narcissistic pervert has managed to get hold of you, if he has managed to forge you in his image, if you are no longer able to decide without his approval, then you have fulfilled the contract.
You have fulfilled its purpose. Value him, accept his humiliations, validate the good image he gives of himself outside.
You liked the image he gave you. You liked what he said. You liked what he was doing.
So as you fill in all the boxes that fill his narcissism, feeling valued, he appreciated you. He loved you. But not quite, he liked that you fuel his ego.
Did he like you as a person?
No, not as healthy people understand him, he liked what you sent back from him, through your behaviors which were only the mirrors of what he wanted to obtain.
Because unfortunately, you did not know how to see the various alerts at the start of your relationship which gradually strengthened his ego and established the grip.
The narcissistic pervert doesn’t know what love is. Self-love is something he masters, but loving someone outside of himself, for his differences, for his complementarity, for his values and for his qualities, that he doesn’t know.
The narcissistic pervert never knew the true love or the unconditional love of his parents, nor that of his brothers and sisters or of the people around him or who raised him and educated him.
This is the reason why he has this personality disorder. This is due to the fact that, throughout his childhood, he did not feel loved, he was often devalued, he was never good enough and it became so unbearable for him that to stop suffering, he created a character from scratch.
Someone who was going to be able to be so perfect that everyone would love him, everyone would appreciate him.
And he will then have two options available to him, either to show in broad daylight, oh how good and perfect someone he is, or else, he will be much more discreet and act underwater.
All his attention
You see what I mean, you meet someone who just wants sympathy, attention, understanding, who needs love and slyly day by day, you realize that in fact everything always converges on him. But it’s too late, you, in your natural empathy, you wanted to help him, you wanted to understand him, you wanted him to no longer suffer from lack of love and you gave him everything.
You have filled his gaps and he has vampirized you with all your energy. He needed attention and you gave it to him.
2. What is love for a narcissistic pervert?
The narcissistic pervert is incapable of giving love. Having never received one himself, he only reproduces what he knows: devaluation, lack of confidence, lack of attention. Everything he suffered for, he reproduced with you.
If his attention is not met, the narcissistic pervert can develop a depression which can lead to suicide so he always needs attention, to be at the center of your concerns.
We also see a lot of this type of personality reaching heights in the professional hierarchy. They will have to become leaders, leaders, politicians, capable of crushing everything to achieve their goals. Able to destroy everything to be worshiped.
And in a romantic relationship, it will be the same, as long as you have all your attention focused on him, as long as you love him unconditionally, his ego will be filled. He is your God and he must remain so.
The person who has a romantic relationship with a narcissistic pervert ends up becoming weak because he will always transfer responsibility to the other, he ends up no longer knowing his own limits, he loses confidence in himself and all self-esteem. even. This person is very often emotionally dependent and feels completely insecure in this relationship.
The narcissistic pervert always chooses a vulnerable and empathetic person as a prey.
What if two narcissistic perverts meet?
But it sometimes happens that two narcissistic perverts meet. And now that you know the personality traits of the narcissistic pervert, you will easily understand that two narcissistic perverts together cannot last.
They will be in permanent conflict and will separate.
3. What if he had loved me?
It is quite possible, however, for someone who does not fulfill all the characteristics of the narcissistic pervert and who does not have this deep personality disorder, to love.
Concretely how will his love translate?
Presumably, it will be someone who has an oversized ego but not to the point of destroying the other so that he admires him and pays him even more attention. That said, he can only love someone who praises him. Who believes in him against all odds. Someone who dedicates himself, who devotes himself to him. Someone who places it on a pedestal. He will not necessarily need to humiliate his partner to establish his domination. This type of relationship, although toxic, prevents the development of the other for the benefit of the self-centered. As soon as the partner can no longer bear not to flourish, the relationship will end and it will certainly be because the partner will no longer love the self-centered or he will stop loving someone who no longer admires him.
I’m sure you’ve already met this type of couple around you. One of the two is erased in favor of the other, one of the two has sacrificed his career for the benefit of the other and this person, in society swears by his spouse, his qualities, his strengths, his choices. There is love between these two people. And the egocentric will know how to give back enough love to make his relationship last.
I hope this article has allowed you to understand the concept of love for a narcissistic pervert.