It is said that physical attraction occurs unconsciously. We rarely choose the person for whom we have a crush and it is very difficult to explain why this attraction arises. When we are single, we fully appreciate this feeling of lightness and chills. It is quite different when we are a couple, however happy, and someone else comes to confuse the cards. How to react when it happens?
Questioning oneself
First of all, although being attracted to someone other than his or her partner is disturbing, this situation is not really worrying. No one is immune to a crush, no matter how small. However, you have to ask yourself what you really want to do with it. If you maintain this attraction by creating opportunities to meet the other person, it may be the signal of a lack in your relationship. Here are some questions to ask yourself to help you see more clearly.
Is s**xual attraction?
S**xual attraction does not necessarily mean that we want to spend our lives with this person. Sometimes it’s just a matter of pheromones and it happens without really expecting it. Now, do you really want to jeopardize your romantic relationship by taking action with this person who only attracts you s**xually? If yes, ask yourself about your real feelings towards your lover, if not, what are you dissatisfied with s**xually with your spouse?
What do you like about this person?
Often, when an attraction is created in someone other than our partner, it is because one complements the other. You love your sweetheart, but the other brings, for example, the humor, the lightness and the play that your life partner leaves aside. You still like its down-to-earth side and its stability and it is for this reason that you find yourself in a dead-end. Be careful not to use the other as a crutch to your main relationship, as you will have everything to lose and nothing to gain.
Is it just self-worth?
Everyone wants to please. It is so pleasant to feel loved that it can happen that we have feelings towards a person simply because they bring us self-confidence and self-worth. The other makes you feel young, dashing and desirable? Why is this not the case with your current partner? Over time, compliments are becoming increasingly rare and this should not be the case.
Realize or not?
Taking action is not without consequences. Do you think that by consuming this attraction, you will be able to choose? Fault. Firstly, because this way of acting lacks maturity and secondly, because even if you decide to stay with your current partner, he will eventually discover your misconduct and your couple will suffer.
A discussion is essential
Now that you know that this attraction is often a direct consequence of a deficiency in your relationship, it’s time to get to work. That said, I do not advise you to start the discussion with “Honey, I’m attracted to someone else, we need to talk! ” It might get cold before the exchange is even started! You can choose to reveal your attraction, but don’t put the other in a guilty position. You are both responsible for the fate of your couple.
In fact, share with him (her) your needs that are not met in your relationship. It’s time to put the cards on the table. “I would like to spend more time with you.” “,” I feel good when you kiss me, it would be nice if you take the first steps more often. “,” Tell me that I am beautiful, attractive, … “, etc. Over the years, a distance can be created between the partners and this can actually be consoled by an adventure. Since this is not the best solution, you may as well get close to your current partner and not lose what you have built.
Take the initiative to have a frank discussion with your lover, but also consider what the other has to say. When we feel something is wrong, it is not uncommon for the other to have felt it too. Establish your common goals. Do you have projects together? How do you see yourself in 5-10-15 years? Do you still maintain this bond that united you? Establish an action plan.
As for your crush, if you’ve concluded that it’s better to stay with your partner, drop the dust. When it’s all new, it’s often very beautiful, but after a while everything returns to normal and you will probably be at the same point as with your lover now. If you decide to embark on this new relationship, I suggest that you take a moment for yourself before taking the plunge. Do not hesitate to meet with a s**xologist if you feel a little disoriented when faced with your situation.
