Did you think that love was an international and unique language? Well, this is not entirely true.
In reality, we all express our feelings differently. Like a couple who do not share the same mother tongue, it sometimes happens that our way of “speaking” love is inaudible to our partner because their way of showing their love is opposed to ours.
From all these different vocabularies, Gary Chapman, author, and American marriage counselor has created 5 groups: the 5 languages of love.
What if we didn’t speak the same language?
How many times have you had the impression that you were not receiving enough love from your partner? How many times have you had the impression of giving a lot of love without anyone noticing?
Gary Chapman, the author of the best-selling book, “The 5 Languages of Love,” has successfully pinpointed the problem: we don’t show our love the same way. As a result, we are sometimes unable to realize the love that gives us the other and we suffer from not receiving the type of affections that we expect.
The son who waits for his father to tell him one day “I am proud of you” , does not see that the latter proves his love to him otherwise, by spending his days working to assure him a peaceful future.
The father who thinks that his wife does not love him because they do not often make love does not see that this one shows him his love by making him run a bath in the evening so that he rests from his exhausting day.
The mother who has the impression that her children neglect her because they never spend special moments together does not see that they have broken their heads to offer her a superb gift for Mother’s Day.
It is important to know the 5 languages of love to realize that the people around us give us more love than we think. But also, to realize that we could “better give” our love to others, that is to say in a more understandable way, more in line with their way of loving. A more effective proof of love that would allow them to feel fully loved.
Finally, it allows us to discover other ways of loving, which we have not been able to appreciate its true value until now. Because if we are able to speak all of its languages, we all have a much greater sensitivity for some of them.
Among these languages, there are:
- The speech
- Quality moments
- Services rendered
The 5 languages of love
The rewarding words
An “I love you” whispered in the ear, a fiery letter – or a declaration of love on Facebook for the most modern -, encouragement before a difficult interview, people sensitive to this language prefer words above all.
People in this category don’t care about your gifts or your hugs, nay, they want you to tell them blankly that you like them. Again and again. Otherwise, they will think that you are not fond of them since you are unable to tell them.
How to fill your love tank: sincere compliments, words of love of all kinds, encouragement.
How to make her really boo-boo: speak in a hurtful way, insult, criticize or simply never express her love verbally.
People sensitive to this language need to spend time with their loved one. A lot of time. For them, love means proximity, and exchange.
They cannot imagine that a person who loves them does not wish to share time with them regularly. And even if it is not to do a especially transcendent activity, they need to feel good to know that the other is not far away.
How to fill up your tank: regularly allow time for the other without letting external elements interrupt this moment, share common activities, discuss alone alone regularly.
How to get a boo-boo: not seeing each other for long periods, favoring group outings rather than outings as a couple, dividing your attention to several tasks and therefore not giving your total attention to the other.
In this category, we find people who are very sensitive and / or attached to presents. For them, love is materialized by what you offer. They are the symbol of the love you have for them.
Even if the gifts are not necessarily expensive, they will be extremely affected by the effort and the time you have given to make them.
Thus, you prove to them that they are not just anyone in your eyes. They understand that you want their happiness, even if it means making efforts.
How to fill their tank: personalized gifts, chosen with care, without special occasions, to wish and celebrate important dates.
How to make a bohemian: forget your birthday, rush the search for gifts, say that gifts only serve to enrich the consumer society.
People sensitive to this language need to see by your actions that you like it. For them, being able to do things that you don’t want to do to please the other person is a real proof of love. It is also taking charge of tasks that the other does not have time to do, or because he is not in the mood.
But it is also a dangerous language where the other can take these gestures of mutual aid for the acquired…
How to fill your tank: do a little more household chores to relieve the other, be of service without expecting anything in return, help in the tasks that the other to accomplish.
How to do boo-boo: never thank or realize the helpful acts of the other, never want to be of service or help the other.
In the latter category are people who perpetually need physical contact. A platonic love? The horror. For them, it’s a friendly relationship at best.
Kisses, caresses, hugs, love is shared with the contact of intertwined skins. They keep the distance for strangers, for people they don’t like.
How to fill your tank: hugs, regular s**xual acts, physical proximity, a “connection”.
How to get a boo-boo: a lack of libido, modesty, physical violence, distance.