Everyone would love to have a lasting relationship, a romantic love filled with emotions that will last a lifetime like in Walt Disney movies . However, according to statistics, there are fewer and fewer people who are ready to work to build this kind of love. Even the most successful couples admit that it is not easy to maintain their love.
We live in an era of disposable and fleeting relationships, because in truth, romantic relationships are difficult to manage. Without effort, without implication and without going part of the way to adapt to the other, the future of all relationships is doomed to certain failure. However, if you are willing to put in the effort, you can successfully establish a lasting relationship. Good relationships are not created all at once, but they require effort. If you ask everyone who is in such relationships, they will tell you that the effort is worth it.
“When two beings really love each other, nothing and no one can separate them. Even if we put thousands of kilometers between them, in reality they are still together. Despite the walls, despite the mountains and the oceans, they are together, because what they live is so high that it escapes the limitations of the physical plane. “
– Omraam Mikhaël Aïvanhov
Here are 8 essential bases to build a lasting couple’s life:
1- Do not try to change your partner
To build a solid relationship, accept the fact that you can only change yourself and that you should not try to change your lover. Accept that there is a possibility that the other can never change. Otherwise, you risk frustrating yourself and moving your lover away from you. At best, you can support him in order to make positive changes in his life, but you should never try to change him.
2- Do not control your lover
Control is a kind of emotional abuse and it creates toxic relationships. This need for control comes from the ego and often it is a reaction caused by your fears, insecurity and personal dissatisfaction. Do not try to control your lover.
Do not demand anything from your lover. Kindly ask him for a service, even if it is something you expected from him. Just saying “Please” turns a requirement into a favor and helps build a relationship based on respect and cooperation.
If you are not able to manage the compromises with nonviolent communication , end the relationship rather than control in order to make your couple work. It will only cause ego conflicts and will inevitably lead to the breakdown of your relationship.
3- Take an interest in their tastes and opinions
You don’t have to agree with their views or have the same interests. You don’t have to take part in all of your partner’s hobbies and hobbies, but you should pay attention to them. You have to ask questions and show them a minimum of interest and involvement. You will never finish learning from your partner, and it is the same for him / her.
4- Valorize negative emotions
While all emotions like frustration, resentment and anger are not desirable, they are normal. If your sweetheart gets angry , don’t criticize them for being angry because it won’t help. Negative emotions are not always destructive, they can be a need for the evolution of your lover and a way of expressing their emotions.
Criticizing emotions can make your partner feel guilty and / or defensive. Instead, try to encourage them to express themselves in a more constructive way, without judging the feeling itself. To build a lasting relationship, the common goal should be to bond and manage problems together.
5- Make the effort to have physical contact.
Make a daily effort to create physical contact between you and your partner. At the start of a relationship, we physically express our love and affection naturally with hugs, hugs and kisses. But after a few years or decades, the signs of affection disappear, especially if you have children.
6- Listen to him
Listen sincerely to your lover when he / she speaks. Don’t say yes, yes , shake your head, but listen carefully to what the other person is saying. You need to listen to them, ask questions and rephrase it to show your interest. A lasting relationship requires constant communication and maintenance efforts.
“Communication with sentient beings is the result of a long and difficult conquest that we make both with our mind and with our heart. “
– Jean Château
7- Thank your lover
Gratitude is a subject we often talk about on this site. The practice of gratitude is good for our happiness individually, but also essential to maintain your married life. Show your gratitude every day, even if it does its fair share. A person who feels appreciated and valued will tend to make more effort.
8- Avoid emotional dependence
It is not easy to control your emotions. There is a fine line between being in love and being emotionally dependent . Love is based on desire and personal and couple development, while emotional dependence is by definition a question of need. It is the source of many toxic relationships, jealousy and possessiveness. It stems from the lack of self-confidence.
To conclude: understand that the secret of a lasting relationship goes much further than the love you have for each other. Love is rarely the problem in romantic separations. A lasting love will require efforts in couple and on oneself. You will need communication, tenderness and a common will to build this relationship.