5 Ways to Keep Perspective in Your Marriage

How do you feel when someone takes your picture and gets super close? Close enough to capture every pore, wrinkle, and sunspot?  “Back off!” you might say.  Same goes for marriage; it’s better to spend most of your time looking at in the big picture lens.

1. Step back.  When we’re close to something, it’s easy to see all of the flaws.  Even a good marriage, when put under a microscope, can reveal cracks and imperfections that would be invisible to the naked eye.  So if you’re examining your relationship too closely, you’ll see things like the little habits your husband has that drive you crazy, and you’ll generalize those to say you have a bad marriage.  On the other hand, when you step back you’ll see that, overall, those habits say very little about the strength of your marriage.

2. Look for the good.  The big picture won’t be accurate if you only look for negatives.  So each day, look for the good in your marriage.  Find your Sweet Spot as a couple and focus on that.

3. Be a time traveler.  Most marriages have ups and downs.  But most marriages have ups after the downs.  Look back and see what you and your husband have achieved as a team.  Celebrate what you’ve overcome.  If you’re in a down phase, be encouraged that studies show that if you work through your struggles, you’ll actually come out stronger as a couple. Perceive your marriage as a good one.

4. Don’t make littles, bigs.  Things that seem major can very quickly slip to minor status when true biggies hit.  For example, it bugs you that your husband doesn’t wipe up the water he spills around the bathroom sink after he shaves.  Well, that “mountain” becomes a molehill as real issues like health crises come up.

5. Assume the best.  Assuming the worst can make your marriage a downer.  So the next time you get annoyed at something your husband does, or you’re disappointed in him, try assuming the best with these thoughts:  He probably didn’t do it on purpose.  He must have forgotten. I know he didn’t mean it.