Affective addiction or love addiction is a chain that always connects you to your ex when the relationship is over. I would like to speak to you today about the loving and emotional dependence that has been created over the years with your spouse and which today is blocking you in your mourning love and in your reconstruction. We must already understand the origin and know how to overcome emotional dependence after a divorce.
The origins of emotional dependence
To find the origins of emotional dependence, you have to go back to the past. In fact, addiction did not happen overnight and often echoes emotional failures and lack of recognition that occurred during childhood.
You were a child and you did not find yourself loved enough by your parents or recognized as you would have liked, you were often compared to others, friends or brother and sister.
The more important the injuries of your childhood will be for you, the more you will need in adulthood to fill these injuries and to find with your spouse what you missed in your childhood.
Love addiction is natural and necessary but …
The addiction in love takes place at the beginning of a romantic relationship and it is bad for good since it is necessary to create all bonds of attachment. It is a normal stage. You certainly remember waiting for her calls, thinking only of her or him, being physically lacking in her presence, needing her or him, this phase of dependence lasts longer or less in the construction of the couple. But it should not last forever.
The couple’s autonomy
The phase following the emotional dependence phase is the autonomy phase. Each, now reassured of the love of the other and of his attachment, will become autonomous and emotionally independent. The couple will flourish together, but each will also be able to flourish without the other. This often results in independence in certain activities for example or in professional development encouraged by others and not jealous.
If the two partners of the couple take “their independence” almost at the same time, everything is fine for their couple. If one of the partners remains in emotional dependence and does not evolve towards autonomy, there will be a certain imbalance. The dependent will always seek more love and evidence of attachment, the new independent will seek even more autonomy and recognition elsewhere and often in extra-marital relationships.
We could compare the birth of a couple with the relationship of the mother and her child. They are initially in a fusional love, one cannot do without the other and it is the same with its survival, for the completely dependent baby. Over time, each will gain autonomy and then make one and the other evolve separately. Each one bringing to the other the means to make him gain independence, the mother in her role of parent will bring the values, the love and the child, by recognizing the role of her parent, will grow by stealing more and more its own wings.
The fusional couple
Everyone knows a close couple around them, they are together 24 hours a day, in general, even work together and all this in the best of all worlds. Most of these couples have never left the addiction phase yet they are happy, fulfilled and are couples for the majority that will last a lifetime. So why is emotional dependence not a problem for them?
You already have the answer, I’m sure! There is no imbalance in this relationship, they are both in the same situation and in general each of the two has a huge emotional lack, filled by the other.
The narcissistic pervert
An affective dependency relationship can also be fundamentally desired by one of the two partners, the manipulator, who generates this dependence. The narcissistic pervert lives only by the pleasure of this dependence, it is a vital need, he will therefore do everything to instrument his domination. He will gradually cut his spouse from any social relationship, lower him to maintain his grip, and make sure to destroy his decision-making power.
The grip relationship always begins with seduction. The narcissistic pervert seeks to establish a relationship of trust and security with his victim. The romantic passion of the beginning will reveal itself over time more and more toxic until it turns into alienation and slavery.
By dint of hearing that you have no value, you end up believing it. There is therefore a work to do to free oneself from the grip made in the context of love addiction and regain one’s self-esteem.
5 solutions to overcome emotional dependence
You have no choice today, you must free yourself from the grip that your ex still has on you. You have to overcome this love addiction to be happy again. You must stop suffering and always live in the lack of the other. I have created a very complete audio program that will allow you to have all the tools to get out of love addiction once and for all . In this program, I am giving you all the tools necessary to end it and free you from this grip. But also, I also deal with the points to avoid you reproducing this situation in your next relationships.
1 – What you should never do again
To allow you to put the odds on your side here is first of all, what you should never do if you really want to succeed in getting out of love addiction:
Count on others
– Never count on others, you are the number one priority, you are the only person who can act and give the best of yourself to free yourself from this grip and this dependence.
– Never let fear invade you, you are not a bad person, you have qualities it is just that today you are invaded by negative emotions. So you feel like you are paralyzed, it is a classic feeling of dependence but now you will acquire your autonomy and your freedom and for that put your fears aside.
– Do not put anything off to the next day, do not procrastinate, your actions will determine your future, your new future without influence, so you must act and quickly to bury all these years under dependence. Think back to the analogy with drugs, drug addicts are deprived of all drugs immediately. Of course, this phase is morally and physically difficult, but it is necessary for their rehabilitation.
Staying with toxic people
– Do not listen to negative people, you must exclude people who can be toxic to you, those who tell you that you will never get there or that this or that thing is impossible for you to achieve or too difficult. These are not friends of those who devalue you or those who do not support you.
Want to be perfect
– Do not seek perfection, do not dramatize if actions seem more difficult to you than others and know that the most important is that you are natural and that you have done the maximum to achieve your goal.
To be a victim
– Stop complaining and positioning yourself as a victim, only you can make yourself happy or happy, you are the only master on board of your destiny, you must stop blaming others because you will change your situation and especially your future!
Find excuses for your ex
– Find no excuse for your ex manipulator or narcissistic pervert, he doesn’t have one. There is nothing to forgive him and if you do it will only consolidate his position of dominant manipulator and he will know that he always has control over you.
2 – Leave the past behind
Lack of affection or recognition suffered in the past must be accepted. You must, for a better well-being, tell yourself that one cannot remake the history that your circle of acquaintances, your parents certainly did the best that they could and this, also according to their own education and their own missing. Perfect parents and perfect children do not exist. Forgiveness and / or acceptance really allow you to go ahead and change your vision.
Answer this question: What could I give myself now that I missed so much in the past?
By answering this question, you are building your most important bond, a bond of love with yourself. Only this link is essential for you, only this link will allow you to stop waiting for others. It is very important.
3 – Find the potential within you
You’ve probably heard it said a lot and you end up thinking it, that you weren’t enough like this or that, that you’re not up to it, that you’re not good enough and that you don’t deserve not even the little love that you have been given or given. We must no longer listen to her unhealthy and tormented little voices. You did not deserve what you live and you are worth much more than you think!
Do the following exercise, make a list of all your qualities, everything you can do, everything you have achieved in your life. Tap into your memories and clear out your negative thoughts at the same time!
You will find in yourself, and you will prove yourself that you are someone of value and that you have lots of qualities, successes to your credit and reveal them!
Focus on the positive, on what brings you joy and happiness. You have the potential for, you are a good person!
4 – Take the reins of your life
To gain autonomy and free yourself from love addiction, you must become the captain of your boat again. You have to take the reins of your life. Now it’s up to you. You are now the main actor in your life.
This means that all of the decisions and choices you make will be based on thoughts about you, your well-being, your happiness. You have to be priority number 1. Think about yourself and not what your ex would think if you did this or that.
Even if in the past, you have taken the habit of making decisions based on others, on your environment, reflect on the constraints that this has brought you and also on the effect on you.
Today, become selfish for once!
5 – Learn to be happy alone
When we are emotionally dependent, our happiness depends on our relationship and therefore on the other. With the breaking point of the relationship, you therefore no longer feel happy at all and you cannot imagine being so again since he or she is no longer there.
You will have to learn to be happy alone. Why ? Well, because it is the only way to free yourself from this grip and because only you are able to make yourself happy. When one has to overcome a separation , a divorce or a romantic break-up, one must always detox from his romantic addiction just as one would do from an addiction to alcohol or drugs. We must find other sources of joy and happiness, with sport, social relations, work.
To be happy, to be yourself first, to be aware of its value, to be loved and loved again. This new happiness will only be a bonus!