It is a must: to be attracted to an inaccessible person, whom we do not like. But how to explain this phenomenon bordering on sado-masochism? Here are some tips.
Whether you are the one who loves or the one who is loved, one-way love is a feeling that has already touched a large part of us at least once in our life (including elementary school).
But why the hell do we keep getting infatuated with people who don’t care about us? According to Natasha Sandy, a teletherapist at YouMatter who confided in Bustle , we live in a society where everything is going very fast and where impatience dominates, so much so that rather than having no one in our sights, we are tempted to set our sights on someone who does not correspond to us , for the simple reason that he is not interested … in us. However, celibacy is a must to find love, to refocus on oneself, on one’s desires and needs in order to find a partner who suits us better. However, no matter how hard you try to find the right one, it is sometimes very difficult to abandon your inaccessible prey.
1- Our family pattern
Our relationships with our parents influence our romantic relationships. Thus, as the teletherapist explains, “Anxious people who have been waiting for more love or have begged and who are waiting for unconditional love may find themselves attracted to people who are not interested in them”. If we recognize ourselves in this profile, that our father was not present or not very demonstrative, we try to find an invested partner, more attentive. This will save us some trouble and our love will be more likely to be reciprocal.
2- The difficulty of dropping the case
“Attachment explains everything”, according to doctor and psychologist Gretchen Kubacky: “Once we have created a relational attachment, we will hang on. Attachment makes us feel good and we want more, more, more “. Also, even if we know the other doesn’t like us, it’s hard to stop focusing on him. On the contrary, we want to work twice as hard to make this feeling reciprocal, even if the chances for it to work are almost zero.
3- poor self-esteem
“Often people who find themselves flashing on inaccessible people have problems with self-esteem,” says Vironika Tugaleva, life coach and author of “The Love Mindset”. However, in the opinion of this expert, we would thus shoot ourselves in the foot since “if you do not believe that you are good enough to attract people who want to spend time with you, then you sabotage yourself by looking at people who don’t want you. ”
4- Our desire to “repair” people
According to Natasha Sandy, some people are looking for “bad boys ” whom they think they can “fix” or “save”. Alas, the relationship then runs to failure in most cases, explains the expert because “people wanting to save or correct others risk doing it based on their own problems needing to be corrected”.
5- To avoid reality
Setting your sights on someone you know you can’t have is also a way to “avoid dealing with a real companion or a live partner,” notes coach Karen R. Koenig. “In these cases, we imagine that our loved one is perfect and we do not have to face the enigmatic problems that occur in real relationships. Except that as perfect as he is, he is not with us , so look elsewhere.