A friend of mine called the other day and talked to me about a conversation she had with her husband. She said her husband mentioned that since they had kids he felt like the only thing they were able to give each other were their leftovers. She said she knew what that meant: That he was frustrated that they hadn’t had enough sex. It’s tough when she finds it difficult getting in the mood.
It’s natural for your desire for sex to fluctuate over time based on a variety of factors. But, a good physical relationship is an important part of any marriage so a waning libido shouldn’t be ignored for long. We even want that for our own personal fulfillment. So why is it so doggone hard to “get in the mood’ day-in and day-out? There are mood killers that may be sneaking into your bedroom and dousing the flame of romance before it has a fighting chance. Identify the ones that are working against you and check out our tips for working around them, or eradicating them altogether. Here are 5 major mood killers.
There are several types of medications which are known to inhibit libido, including antidepressants and blood pressure drugs. With the growing number of prescriptions written to women for antidepressants— particularly those known as selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors (SSRIs)— sexual side effects are increasingly common. Talk to your doctor about the side effects you experience with your drug, because there may be alternative medications and therapies which could lessen or eliminate the problem.
2. Fatigue & Stress.
The exhaustion of caring for young children, aging parents or managing a career can leave women physically and mentally drained. When this happens, sex seems much less appealing than sleep. Fight the fatigue by taking care of yourself physically with regular exercise (a proven stress-reliever and libido-booster!) and a healthy diet. Ask your husband to help with the children after dinner to give you a little time to relax before bedtime. Trust us, if it increases his chance of making love—he’ll gladly pitch in and help!
3. Hidden Medical Problems.
Sometimes your non-existent sex drive is a symptom of an undiagnosed illness or hormonal imbalance. It wouldn’t hurt to get a thorough physical, complete with the blood work necessary to diagnose a variety of conditions just to see if something is out of balance. Many women report the discovery of a real, treatable problem as a great relief— it wasn’t all in their head!
4. Poor Body Image.
We women are hard on ourselves when it comes to physical appearance, and those negative perceptions of our own bodies can make us want to cover up and hide— even from our husbands. But we might be surprised to know just how attractive we still are to our husbands who desire a regular sexual connection with us. Throw away the fashion magazines and try to see yourself through his eyes. You may not be perfect, but he isn’t either, so learn to enjoy and celebrate what you do have.
5. Other Relationship Issues.
If you’re carrying around resentment about some unresolved conflict with your spouse, it’s bound to spill over into your level of desire. Take the time to sit down with your husband and talk through the tension— whether it’s about trust, parenting, finances, etc.— and clear the air. Remember that it’s never going to be absolutely perfect, so don’t use every little thing as an excuse to “check out” of your sex life. Don’t get bitter, make it better!
Tell us! How do you get in the mood?