The narcissistic pervert, whether male or female, usually seeks to create and maintain his grip on his prey. It will, therefore, limit external influence. And he will get down to bashing you in order to make you doubt yourself and thus be able to dictate your conduct. But there are behaviors that he dreads more than anything because they prevent him from achieving his goals. Let’s look at them together. These practices can drive FNs away from you fairly quickly! It is therefore important to integrate them well.
1- Return responsibility for his accusation
It’s almost inevitable: at one point or another, the manipulator will blame you for something that you didn’t say at all! The PN is very strong at this game. He accuses you of having called him incapable, fool, ugly, etc. when you just tried to let him see your point of view. But in your opinion, he doesn’t care. He wants to be right. And most importantly, it wants to make you feel that you are wrong. To do this, he will distort your words and pretend that you were mean to him! He will, therefore, reproach you for terms that have never left your mouth. Faced with such an approach, too many people tend to fall into the trap of justification and explanation: “it’s not what I said”, “we don’t understand each other”.
Instead, turn the responsibility over to him. Tell him that your words were different (we use an affirmative sentence) and above all add that his perception belongs to him. It is the latter that is most important. In reality, you cannot change his perception, only he can. And he wants you to believe he is disappointed with you. He wants you to feel compelled to justify yourself, to undo the bad perception he has of you. He plays the chord of fear of judgment. And you react to it! Please let him believe what he wants … really … Stop wanting to look good in his eyes. If he wants to be mad at you, leave him alone with his anger. If he has time to lose being angry, your time is more precious than that!
2- Maintain your social network
The PN does not tolerate that people do not think like him, can contradict him, can undo the grip he seeks to create. So he does not appreciate that you have a life outside of him. Also, be sure to maintain and feed your social network. See your friends. Keep in touch with positive and constructive people. Call on a shrink, a coach, a mentor to continue to progress and develop. Continue to confide in someone who really helps you. In this way, the grip of the PN will not be able to increase and this independence will disturb him, make him see that you are not at his mercy!
Take the time to look at what kind of surroundings you have. If you realize that there are many people who criticize, complain, are not happy, then you may need to identify what you are looking for as a company. The idea here is not to bet on what you don’t want, but rather on what you really want. Power this network. Feed it. It is precious.
3- Review your inner speech
The gap that the PN uses most is the amplification of the negativity that is already in you. Yes, you read correctly. The ruminations that last, the negative internal speech, the disparaging comments that you tend to say to yourself in your head, this is the real food of the PN. That’s why at the start of the relationship, he made you talk so much. You got the feeling that he was listening to you. In fact, he was identifying the flaws in your shell.
This implies that you must, therefore, review how you speak to yourself, what you say to yourself and what you do not say to yourself. Learn not only to have moments of rest and rejuvenation, but also to welcome yourself gently when you make a mistake. Practice gratitude and bliss instead of criticizing bad weather, politicians and bad news. Feed your mind with interesting articles, inspiring trainings, and uplifting discussions.
The PN has the strength you give it. If you learn to truly and sincerely love yourself, he will have great difficulty destroying you. And above all, he hates losing his grip. The more you value your self-esteem, the more you protect yourself from the PN. Often, you don’t know how to love yourself and improve your self-esteem. We read books, we do therapy, we look outside of ourselves for what is in us. This is also why we do not see the manipulation in the initial behavior of the PN. It meets a need. It makes us feel so extraordinary. You are already extraordinary. You just have to recognize it!