If marriage had lost popularity in recent years, it is coming back in force. Wedding in white and in the church has never been more fashionable in France.
Girls get married earlier and earlier and start families sooner. Faced with this eagerness and also facing all the divorces that ensue, I would like to share my experience with you.
Basically, I find it hard not to wonder why marriage is so attractive … Because believe me, if marriage can be the most beautiful thing in the world, it can also turn into a nightmare.
In short, it must be understood that this is not something to be taken lightly. So many marriages fail, sometimes only after a few months.
Why do we get married so young? Why so quickly? Whenever I’m invited to a wedding, I can’t help but wonder how long it will last…
After two failed marriages, here are the few questions that I invite you to ask yourself or the few reflections that I advise you to engage before taking the plunge!
As we say: “one is better than two you will have”.
1. To live happily, no need to get married …
We can completely love each other, live together and start a family without saying the famous “I want it”. You can buy a house, open a joint account and pay your taxes in pairs without getting married.
You can be happy by being single, that’s for sure. But you can also be happy as a couple, without necessarily having to put your ring on your finger.
Obviously, this is a personal decision. I just want to say that this is not a decision to be taken lightly.
2. Never get married for appearances
Even I must admit that I dreamed a lot about the white dress, the diamond solitaire and above all, my father leading me to the altar. I dreamed of the ceremony and of the prince charming who would take me on his white horse.
Yes, it’s true, it’s a bit of a dream for all little girls… But we don’t get married to fulfill the dream we had during our early childhood. When you think about it, it’s a little stupid!
Marriage is a real commitment, which should never be taken to save appearances or blend into any mold.
3. Bear her husband’s name…
Already, I want to clarify that this is a somewhat archaic tradition and which, in addition, has no legal roots … That is to say that no law has ever stipulated (nor yesterday or today) that a woman was forced to take her husband’s name. Indeed, it is simply a custom that has survived to the present day.
That said, I fully respect women who would like to take their husbands’ names (for whatever reason). Know then that there is no need to get married to do it. You can take your man’s name without going through the church!
4. Pay attention to the marriage contract
If your future husband demands that you sign a marriage contract, beware!
Again, I don’t judge anyone. He can have good reasons, financial, patrimonial or other. But I’m just saying that you have to be careful before embarking on this path.
Many are those whose problems started with the signing of this famous prenuptial contract!
This kind of request can indeed be a sign of a lack of confidence and without that, difficult for a couple to last.
5. But… The marriage contract can be a good option
Even if you have neither you nor your future husband a big heritage. Signing a marriage contract, when it is decided between two, can have many advantages.
For questions of inheritance, it can be interesting. In short, it is not necessarily the symbol of a lack of confidence.
It can be interesting if you have a significant heritage or if you are a business owner. Do not hesitate to inquire and above all, to discuss it with your partner.
6. Life under one roof
Before living with someone, it is imperative to have lived a little alone. I mean moving from her parents’ house to her husband’s house without a prior transition can be a bit rushed.
Living alone, you learn a lot. You learn to take care of yourself. We discover ourselves on a personal level and we often come to evolve.
In short, it is an essential step on the road to independence.
7. Marriage is just the beginning…
Let’s say that in marriage, the ceremony is often the pinnacle of happiness … Before real life comes.
Getting married is often only happiness. The friends. Family. A good meal. A beautiful evening. Champagne. Music. Lots of love…
But it is after that things go wrong … We must not get married for the ceremony. Instead, rent a village hall!
Marriage is not just a ceremony. It is a very serious thing!
8. No need to get married to party!
It ties in a bit with what I said in the previous paragraph. No need to put your ring on your finger to bring friends and family together for a good meal and a nice evening.
To put it another way, marriage is not a celebration. Sometimes it’s even a fight. Living together is not easy. It requires compromises and sometimes even sacrifices. You have to be ready for it and be aware of what marriage really means.
9. Are you on the same wavelength?
If I invite you to ask yourself this question, it is because it often takes years to answer! Yet this is certainly the most important question on this list.
Indeed, many couples meet in high school or university and therefore live at the same pace. But once in working life, they realize that they do not have the same desires, the same priorities or the same ambitions… And they get divorced!
In short, never get married until you are sure that your partner has the same goals as yours.
10. Keep in mind that people never really change
It’s sad, but it’s true. People do not change and it is for this reason that you must be certain that you are on the same wavelength as your partner.
It is therefore likely that the qualities and defects of your lover will be exactly the same in 10 or 20 years, with some exceptions.
You must, therefore, be certain of your choice. Certain that you are able to bear its faults and even its qualities for the rest of your life …
For example, know that if he doesn’t want children, you can never force him to.
11. Watch out for addictions!
If he has any addiction, think carefully before you marry him. Again, it’s unlikely to change.
I know, it’s difficult, because it sometimes takes years to become aware of the addiction in question. Either way, if your sweetheart has problems with gambling or drugs, don’t lightly marry them and be aware that you will likely have to live with this addiction until the end of your life.
To better understand, I invite you to return to the previous point.
12. Divorce is a nightmare
Did you find the ruptures complicated and painful? I let you imagine what it is like when you have to face a divorce…
Beyond tears, suffering and sleepless nights, I let you imagine the meetings with the lawyers, the sharing of property and the repeated court appearances.
It is a real headache, which can sometimes last for several years. It is depressing and very expensive. It can really screw up a life, not to mention childcare…
13. Today, marriage is at the center of a real marketing strategy
Make no mistake, marriage can be wonderful. Especially for those who are believers and who really need this passage to the church.
But for others, remember that marriage is above all a money factory. It has become a real industry, on which thousands of people live in France.
In short, this is another question you need to ask yourself before you get started.
14. There are other ways to prove your love
In other words, marriage should not be seen as proof of love. Obviously, offering yourself in marriage is proof of love in itself … But there are millions of others.
Proving someone that you love them is giving yourself to them. It is to support and help him through difficult times. It’s getting up early to prepare breakfast for him. It is pampering him when he is sick, etc.
Marriage is something else entirely and there is no need to say to the other, “I love you”.
15. Marriage is not a solution to all ills
This is also true for children … We do not get married and we do not have a child to heal a relationship that would flounder. Because it would not solve anything, quite the contrary.
Marriage is not a dressing. Nor is it a quick fix. If it is not going well today, it will not get better in 10 years and simply because you are united by the bonds of marriage!
In short, marriage is the outcome of love and not a way of bringing it about.
Ultimately, marriage is not a piece of paper. Nor is it a white dress or an alliance. Marriage is a metaphor for life together. Marriage is an everyday choice. To love the person who shares our life.
Because marriage can be difficult. It can be boring. It can be annoying and stressful. It can be expensive, in every sense of the word. It can be disappointing and depressing.
But it can also be beautiful. Open and romantic. Flourishing and liberating. It can be fun and crazy.
Marriage is up to us to choose what we do with it.
Above all, understand that if, after reading all of this and asking yourself the right questions, you still have the desire to get married … Then, it may be the right one. And I will be extremely happy. Because I wish you all the happiness in the world.